I drank a glass of water and I think I'm fucking melting... Ed has always been a brush, and Jerry is a can of nuts... Always check both pockets... I am pretty sure that vampires never existed how we know them today... Blaintology is not a real religion, although many have gone out of their way to call David Blain and tell him that he should start said religion... It's like we've forgot the damned Renaissance happened... Pity...
You may ask your new questions on this thread...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Duck Duck Goose
The Question: Are there any official rules for "Duck Duck Goose"?
I dunno how old kids get before the teachers take Duck Duck Goose off the menu... but it sucks that they do... I see Olympic potential written allll over it... I had a DDG conversation in 2004 with my roommates... We came to the conclusion that the only real official DDG rule should be that if someone has already picked the retarded kid in class to be the goose, you don't pick him again... Other than that, do whatever... We don't agree with the "limited amount of times around the circle" rule... Make the bastards chase you... This will get the kids exercising more and helps promote trash talking at an early age... Trash talking is a fundamental part of athletics, politics, climbing the corporate ladder, getting girls, and showing people whose boss... The only time I agree with the limit rule, (I can't stress this enough) is when you picked the retarded kid to be the goose... Just give him one time around the circle and let him tag you... Everyone will be better off... So yea, I think that about covers it... Hope this helped...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
I dunno how old kids get before the teachers take Duck Duck Goose off the menu... but it sucks that they do... I see Olympic potential written allll over it... I had a DDG conversation in 2004 with my roommates... We came to the conclusion that the only real official DDG rule should be that if someone has already picked the retarded kid in class to be the goose, you don't pick him again... Other than that, do whatever... We don't agree with the "limited amount of times around the circle" rule... Make the bastards chase you... This will get the kids exercising more and helps promote trash talking at an early age... Trash talking is a fundamental part of athletics, politics, climbing the corporate ladder, getting girls, and showing people whose boss... The only time I agree with the limit rule, (I can't stress this enough) is when you picked the retarded kid to be the goose... Just give him one time around the circle and let him tag you... Everyone will be better off... So yea, I think that about covers it... Hope this helped...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Admiraverating...
The Question: What do you see when you wake up and look in the mirror? (Asked by Dirty Bird)
When I wake up and look in the mirror... I see one tough pill for this world to swallow...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
When I wake up and look in the mirror... I see one tough pill for this world to swallow...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
The Wizard of Oz is Gay
The Question: Do you like the Wizard of Oz? Why or why not?
There are many different levels of appreciation someone can have for a movie... Without getting into all that nonsense though... I can boldly say the title of this blog very accurately reflects my opinion of it... On the spectrum of movies I would say it falls somewhere in between Home Alone 3 and the porno version of Mr. Hollands Opus... "But why Pu Daxta!? I love that movie!!!" Are you a chick? Ok then... I mean I don't know why chicks like chick stuff... That's a blog for another time, and even I have my doubts about trying to tackle a subject that has made over 10 billion males throughout history all become impotent over night... Granted, that way beats the vasectomy home-kit option... But there are just some old ladies that simply aren't worth robbing... Alas I digress...
What is exactly wrong with the Wizard of OZ? Well for starters, I just might gently question the idioms of the characters involved... Like, did Dorothy REALLY have to look soooo puzzled in every scene of the movie even before she got to OZ? I have never seen anyone look so confused while doing nothing but riding a damn bike... Her damn dog acted better than she did... But ok, some main characters are allowed to be complete morons... whatever... I will lets that slide... So then I take a look at the other characters... Lets see what we have here: a Gay Scarecrow, a Gay Tin Man, a Gay Lion, a dog who is still stealing the stage, every midget that was alive and on the planet at the time, an old manipulative conman who was able to force an entire world of midgets to build an emerald empire with a road of gold bricks that go from his new empire to their midget town (Let's face it guys, this "wizard" has already bested and outdone all and every of the cruelest pharaohs and dictators on a MONUMENTAL level (pun intended)...) How many midgets do you think died building that city and road... All that shit is fucking heavy... How many were maimed or burned smelting the materials? How many Godless generations did it take for that city to be built? All so a conman can have the most bad ass hiding spot ever... I wonder what came first, Wizard of Oz or Scientology...
Anyways We have a wizard with no real power other than obvious philosophical opinions locked away in this city of idolatry, and either the good fairy was too retarded to see through his veneer, orrrrrrr they have been in league with each other the whole time. If she wasn't in on it, she would have never let all of those munchkins kill themselves to build the emerald city... Not to mention, for the amount of resources in the hands of those who seem to have considerably less power than the bad guys, how have they been able to hold on to everything... Hmmmm... maybe because, everyone knew to keep a glass water around? That's how to kill a witch who occupies half of the territories... THAT'S ALL YOU GOT!?... I mean, she must've been thirsty as fuck... And why the hell didn't they show a battle between the flying monkeys and the munchkins... I will tell you why... Because they wanted to spend 30 minutes focusing on a buncha gay retards falling asleep in a field... And quite frankly the concept of a purple horse confuses and infuriates me...
Oh yea and seriously, writers, was it really fucking necessary to make all of the good guys freakin midgets except for the fairy (Who I am arguing was the main villain)... Couldn't they have just been normal sized people for God sakes... I mean a midget or two never hurts anything, but cmon guys... Cut your fucking casting agent some slack... How do you even keep a straight face when asking a midget if he wants to play a lead midget role for this movie someone wrote while they were smoking crack... "Ok Rupert... you are 3'6" perfect... one more inch and you wouldn't have made the cut, now here, wear this santa elf costume, take this hilariously large lollipop and bob and weave back n forth a couple times singing about how this lollipop represents EVERYTHING that you are!" There is no fucking way I could ask someone to do that in one try without laughing in their face... You almost have to end the sentence with "Do it or I'll kill your whole fucking family" or something like that just so you go out on a serious note...
Ultimately I feel like the writers never tied the right things together... They had it in their laps... an elaborate plot to get a human to our land, find a considerable force, and destroy the only person in the territory who has a shot at overthrowing the wizard and the fairy... IMO all parties in charge are horrible people and all the protagonists are gay... I can't get into a movie that has such unappealing characters... Oh, also Dorothy's family was gay...
The End
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
There are many different levels of appreciation someone can have for a movie... Without getting into all that nonsense though... I can boldly say the title of this blog very accurately reflects my opinion of it... On the spectrum of movies I would say it falls somewhere in between Home Alone 3 and the porno version of Mr. Hollands Opus... "But why Pu Daxta!? I love that movie!!!" Are you a chick? Ok then... I mean I don't know why chicks like chick stuff... That's a blog for another time, and even I have my doubts about trying to tackle a subject that has made over 10 billion males throughout history all become impotent over night... Granted, that way beats the vasectomy home-kit option... But there are just some old ladies that simply aren't worth robbing... Alas I digress...
What is exactly wrong with the Wizard of OZ? Well for starters, I just might gently question the idioms of the characters involved... Like, did Dorothy REALLY have to look soooo puzzled in every scene of the movie even before she got to OZ? I have never seen anyone look so confused while doing nothing but riding a damn bike... Her damn dog acted better than she did... But ok, some main characters are allowed to be complete morons... whatever... I will lets that slide... So then I take a look at the other characters... Lets see what we have here: a Gay Scarecrow, a Gay Tin Man, a Gay Lion, a dog who is still stealing the stage, every midget that was alive and on the planet at the time, an old manipulative conman who was able to force an entire world of midgets to build an emerald empire with a road of gold bricks that go from his new empire to their midget town (Let's face it guys, this "wizard" has already bested and outdone all and every of the cruelest pharaohs and dictators on a MONUMENTAL level (pun intended)...) How many midgets do you think died building that city and road... All that shit is fucking heavy... How many were maimed or burned smelting the materials? How many Godless generations did it take for that city to be built? All so a conman can have the most bad ass hiding spot ever... I wonder what came first, Wizard of Oz or Scientology...
Anyways We have a wizard with no real power other than obvious philosophical opinions locked away in this city of idolatry, and either the good fairy was too retarded to see through his veneer, orrrrrrr they have been in league with each other the whole time. If she wasn't in on it, she would have never let all of those munchkins kill themselves to build the emerald city... Not to mention, for the amount of resources in the hands of those who seem to have considerably less power than the bad guys, how have they been able to hold on to everything... Hmmmm... maybe because, everyone knew to keep a glass water around? That's how to kill a witch who occupies half of the territories... THAT'S ALL YOU GOT!?... I mean, she must've been thirsty as fuck... And why the hell didn't they show a battle between the flying monkeys and the munchkins... I will tell you why... Because they wanted to spend 30 minutes focusing on a buncha gay retards falling asleep in a field... And quite frankly the concept of a purple horse confuses and infuriates me...
Oh yea and seriously, writers, was it really fucking necessary to make all of the good guys freakin midgets except for the fairy (Who I am arguing was the main villain)... Couldn't they have just been normal sized people for God sakes... I mean a midget or two never hurts anything, but cmon guys... Cut your fucking casting agent some slack... How do you even keep a straight face when asking a midget if he wants to play a lead midget role for this movie someone wrote while they were smoking crack... "Ok Rupert... you are 3'6" perfect... one more inch and you wouldn't have made the cut, now here, wear this santa elf costume, take this hilariously large lollipop and bob and weave back n forth a couple times singing about how this lollipop represents EVERYTHING that you are!" There is no fucking way I could ask someone to do that in one try without laughing in their face... You almost have to end the sentence with "Do it or I'll kill your whole fucking family" or something like that just so you go out on a serious note...
Ultimately I feel like the writers never tied the right things together... They had it in their laps... an elaborate plot to get a human to our land, find a considerable force, and destroy the only person in the territory who has a shot at overthrowing the wizard and the fairy... IMO all parties in charge are horrible people and all the protagonists are gay... I can't get into a movie that has such unappealing characters... Oh, also Dorothy's family was gay...
The End
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Attack of the 80 Foot Dream Job!
The Question: Keepapudaxta, what do you want to be when you grow up? or more importantly, what should I be when i grow up? i think i want to be a bum, but i want your opinion first... (Asked by Saylorellis)
Ok... lots of ground to cover here... Let's start with you... Before I begin though I think it needs to be said that we are both as grown up as we're gonna get unfortunately... Granted, we may not have reached our charted destinations yet, but suffice it to say you aren't getting any younger brotha... At this point its just a race against protein synthesis... Look forward to old balls and the ability to get away with causing a public scene under the camouflage of senility... So yeah, now that we got that out on the table... Let's address the question at hand...
So you are striving to be a bum huh? I think that's aiming a little low, but on the same note, success is only attainable after you completely stop listening to everyone else's opinions and critiques... I'll leave it to the college professors and military recruiters to convince you not to be a bum... In the last two sentences I have decided to support your occupational decision... If you really want to be a bum, I say you start as a rapper and work your way up... You will be homeless in no time... You would however have to be willing to live in a major city (or anywhere in south FL), but if there are no apprehensions with those locations than your set...
Since were on the subject and I have time to really sit and think on it, being a bum pan handler is very similar to being a server, only you don't have to bring the people you have no interest in talking to a damn thing and when your a bum the pay is a hell of a lot better (not to mention your extremely low overhead)... Server or bum, either way, an equal amount of lying is taking place in that conversation...I do hope however that you are not choosing this career out of laziness, because let me tell you... Server, bum, or any other activity that keeps you on your feet all damn day is fuckin exhausting...
Here is the irony in it all... if you take yourself out of the context of the way you are used to thinking and really qualify assets gained versus hours spent, I would be willing to hypothesize that pan handling is not only a lot more lucrative than a lot of people's day jobs, but also more labor intensive and exhausting... If anyone reading this disagrees, I must only ask "Have you ever watched Youtube.com while you were at work?" Exactly... So coming full circle I care to revise my original statement when I said that you were aiming low in your career path... You are just being a lot more hardcore about early retirement... Well played saylorellis... (BTW it's ok to use the word "bum" because it stands for "Beware Unpredictable Maniac" and safety comes first...)
As for what I wanna be down the road... hmmmmmm...... I would say anything from a lion tamer to a chariot salesman and everything in between... For now though I will stick with accounting... Numbers know what's up...
Anyways hope this helped,
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Ok... lots of ground to cover here... Let's start with you... Before I begin though I think it needs to be said that we are both as grown up as we're gonna get unfortunately... Granted, we may not have reached our charted destinations yet, but suffice it to say you aren't getting any younger brotha... At this point its just a race against protein synthesis... Look forward to old balls and the ability to get away with causing a public scene under the camouflage of senility... So yeah, now that we got that out on the table... Let's address the question at hand...
So you are striving to be a bum huh? I think that's aiming a little low, but on the same note, success is only attainable after you completely stop listening to everyone else's opinions and critiques... I'll leave it to the college professors and military recruiters to convince you not to be a bum... In the last two sentences I have decided to support your occupational decision... If you really want to be a bum, I say you start as a rapper and work your way up... You will be homeless in no time... You would however have to be willing to live in a major city (or anywhere in south FL), but if there are no apprehensions with those locations than your set...
Since were on the subject and I have time to really sit and think on it, being a bum pan handler is very similar to being a server, only you don't have to bring the people you have no interest in talking to a damn thing and when your a bum the pay is a hell of a lot better (not to mention your extremely low overhead)... Server or bum, either way, an equal amount of lying is taking place in that conversation...I do hope however that you are not choosing this career out of laziness, because let me tell you... Server, bum, or any other activity that keeps you on your feet all damn day is fuckin exhausting...
Here is the irony in it all... if you take yourself out of the context of the way you are used to thinking and really qualify assets gained versus hours spent, I would be willing to hypothesize that pan handling is not only a lot more lucrative than a lot of people's day jobs, but also more labor intensive and exhausting... If anyone reading this disagrees, I must only ask "Have you ever watched Youtube.com while you were at work?" Exactly... So coming full circle I care to revise my original statement when I said that you were aiming low in your career path... You are just being a lot more hardcore about early retirement... Well played saylorellis... (BTW it's ok to use the word "bum" because it stands for "Beware Unpredictable Maniac" and safety comes first...)
As for what I wanna be down the road... hmmmmmm...... I would say anything from a lion tamer to a chariot salesman and everything in between... For now though I will stick with accounting... Numbers know what's up...
Anyways hope this helped,
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Laundry Thief
The Question: What's up with the laundry thievery? (meaning my signature)
Well, I just drunkenly typed this in an email a moment ago and figured that the time has come to reveal the story behind laundry thievery... I could touch this up and make it make sense when I sober up, but I think sometimes its better to play a concert live and imperfect rather than studio it up (I can't believe how gay Chris Cornell got), so I'm just gonna copy and paste the email... I will field questions later like always... I would also like to take this time to say that NO ONE should ever ever mess with a koala in the dark... ever
Well, I just drunkenly typed this in an email a moment ago and figured that the time has come to reveal the story behind laundry thievery... I could touch this up and make it make sense when I sober up, but I think sometimes its better to play a concert live and imperfect rather than studio it up (I can't believe how gay Chris Cornell got), so I'm just gonna copy and paste the email... I will field questions later like always... I would also like to take this time to say that NO ONE should ever ever mess with a koala in the dark... ever
Hey Anonymous,
I just caught your inquiry about the "laundry thievery" title I seem to have bestowed upon myself lol... Its not any kinda weird, sick, or malicious title I assure you... Unfortunately the story itself can come off as rather ridiculous, but the truth must be presented in such ways from time to time... All in all it stems from a metaphorical comparison of archers and pikemen to social classes in our current paradigm... lol... The basis was that there r two kindsa people in this world... Archers and Pikemen... (well 4 but well get to that later)
A: Archers
~ Pretty little pampered ragamuffins standing "up above" looking "down below"... They have the nice hair and the nice clothes and expensive arrows and shit loads of time off... They very rarely have to address the issues at hand in a face to face manner... Needed as they are... There is no reverence in what they do...
B: Pikemen
~ These guys are the working man's hero... These guys get so far down below its just easier to stay there at all times... They get down into the nitty fuckin gritty... What do they own... nothing... Just a pike, and a metal bowl on their head and they're off into the front line... They don't even have hair...! But... do they complain...? No... In fact, most of them know they are not gonna make it home for their average boring supper of bread and water... Nor do they have time to dwell on the concept that the archers are drinking ale and eating meat... No time, and no patience... Time to grab the pike... and get to work...
So anyways, after all of that, where does the laundry thieving come into play? Well not only does the paradigm need sorts like the archers and the pikemen for synergy, an X factor is also needed... Everything in the universe has a tendency to go from the most ordered state to the most un-ordered or chaotic state...X factors can be thought of as any kinda chaotic component that interacts with an existing order... This can be as simple or as complex as you would allow your mind to ponder... To keep it as simple as possible, lets refer back to the archers and the pikemen for a moment and bring everything full circle... If a system works, IE shooting and piking, it will continue to function until chaos derails it... Neither chaos nor order run parallel with morality or immorality (IE both Robin Hood and Charles Manson can be considered chaotic people just like both Mother Theresa and Hitler can be viewed as ordered)... It is only order's tendency to be order, and chaos' tendency to disrupt that order, and in circles we will go for all eternity... (Again these are all just simple examples)
Things go on and on, and the people who do things on a daily basis have no idea why they do them or whether or not they even enjoy what they feel they are obligated to do... Complete prisoners of a perpetuating paradigm... Every empire falls, every system breaks down, and everything has no choice but roll with the punches and change with the X factors... So lets say that now is one of those often times when chaos is to clash with the ordered synergy of the archer and the pikeman... Whats an X Factor to do? It goes without saying that there is no derailing the pikemen... No matter what you do to them, they will just take the abuse and keep on piking... An archer however... that's a completely different story... Almost anything you do that does not placate the archers will more than likely discourage them... Because of cause and effect, everything consequence acts as a ripple, and thus the new stage is set...
Imagine if someone were to... say... steal an archer's clothes over night... Do you really think he would show up to the battle the next morning? What if all the archers got their clothes stolen? What if there were no archers at that battle...? Ripples upon ripples and so on and so forth... The other thing to consider is, what if someone legitimately just wanted to steal their clothes for any other random interest and had no intention of altering anything... Would not their clothes still be gone? Would there not still be ripples? Which poses the question, can a laundry thief be a laundry thief without he or she themselves knowing or considering they are laundry thieves because they are unaware of the events they have set in motion ... Damn Right!
The way I see it, no matter what paradigm you live, you are one of 4 people... Royalty, an archer, a pikeman, or... a laundry thief... So maybe I know what I'm doing or maybe I have no clue... but one thing is for sure... I ain't no fuckin archer...
So anyways, I am pretty hammered right now and am in no mood to proof read any of that nor debate whether or not its a good idea to send it to you in the first place...lol Its very hard to put this concept into an email since its so easy to digress, and it definitely portrays me as a crazy person, but hey, I just keep telling myself I am a sane laundry thief in a crazy world full of crazy archers...
Night Hotshot
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A Moment of your Time
Hey guys... I just wanted to ask that you take a moment to check out my buddy's blog about hitchhiking... He is about to conduct a fascinating experiment of human nature and I think it's more interesting than the first OJ verdict... Maybe ma brotha here is out of his mind... he wouldn't be the only one that's for sure... I don't know you decide... just check it out ya buncha cock smokers...
http://saylorellis.blogspot.com/2009/04/to-all-those-concerned-curious-or.html
http://saylorellis.blogspot.com/2009/04/to-all-those-concerned-curious-or.html
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Asian Nation
The Question: Why do Chinese people play Ping-Pong? And Why are they so good at it?
You see... its not that they are particularly good at ping pong... it's that they are good at everything... Let me clarify this...
I'm not saying that one single Asian dude is good at every activity in the world. What I AM saying is... no matter what that Asian dude feels like doing... He is going to be better at doing it than every other non-Asian person who makes an attempt... So just to clarify... Am I saying that Asian people are better than non-Asian people in every way...? (Except for swimming, fucking, and getting things off the top shelf...) Yes... Yes I am... That is exactly what I am saying...
Asians are better at doing things because they are better people... They deserve to be alive much more than non-Asians and if humans actually possess souls, then the Asian soul is worth the most to deities... I don't know how the hell they do the things they do to the extent they do them because I am not Asian... People want to chalk it up to superior genetics or a solid cultural upbringing that allows them to strive for success and highly respect things like education and discipline... I myself think every one of them to be some sort of warlock... Only the Asians possess the secrets that make them so awesome, and if they haven't given them up yet, I doubt they ever will... For those of you that think I am being racist in any way... all I have to say to you is... "Whatever helps you sleep at night bitch..." However, I doubt that little saying will win you over despite how much joy it brings me to say it... (I don't like you)
So why speculate? You need proof? Let's take 3 things Americans pride themselves in...
1. Music
2. Practical Jokes
3. Tying our Shoes
You think they can't do those things better? Click on the 3 links below and humble yourselves before these enigmatic warlocks... (You may need to watch them more than once...)
1. Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQQex1BNpO0
~That fuckin guy is so awesome the only thing he can't do is stop his shirt from changing colors...
2. Practical Jokes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAgV_Mslk54
~Owned
3. Tying our Shoes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lnj2KlT51g
~Gawd damn warlocks...
I would also like to point out that I didn't even need to base this argument around the Asian superior business academic and manufacturing procedures... But eh, this blog was supposed to be about ping pong anyways... so fuck it...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
You see... its not that they are particularly good at ping pong... it's that they are good at everything... Let me clarify this...
I'm not saying that one single Asian dude is good at every activity in the world. What I AM saying is... no matter what that Asian dude feels like doing... He is going to be better at doing it than every other non-Asian person who makes an attempt... So just to clarify... Am I saying that Asian people are better than non-Asian people in every way...? (Except for swimming, fucking, and getting things off the top shelf...) Yes... Yes I am... That is exactly what I am saying...
Asians are better at doing things because they are better people... They deserve to be alive much more than non-Asians and if humans actually possess souls, then the Asian soul is worth the most to deities... I don't know how the hell they do the things they do to the extent they do them because I am not Asian... People want to chalk it up to superior genetics or a solid cultural upbringing that allows them to strive for success and highly respect things like education and discipline... I myself think every one of them to be some sort of warlock... Only the Asians possess the secrets that make them so awesome, and if they haven't given them up yet, I doubt they ever will... For those of you that think I am being racist in any way... all I have to say to you is... "Whatever helps you sleep at night bitch..." However, I doubt that little saying will win you over despite how much joy it brings me to say it... (I don't like you)
So why speculate? You need proof? Let's take 3 things Americans pride themselves in...
1. Music
2. Practical Jokes
3. Tying our Shoes
You think they can't do those things better? Click on the 3 links below and humble yourselves before these enigmatic warlocks... (You may need to watch them more than once...)
1. Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQQex1BNpO0
~That fuckin guy is so awesome the only thing he can't do is stop his shirt from changing colors...
2. Practical Jokes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAgV_Mslk54
~Owned
3. Tying our Shoes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lnj2KlT51g
~Gawd damn warlocks...
I would also like to point out that I didn't even need to base this argument around the Asian superior business academic and manufacturing procedures... But eh, this blog was supposed to be about ping pong anyways... so fuck it...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
How to Turn Water into Wine...
The Question: "How do you turn water into wine?"
You pee in it and give it to a buncha idiots...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
You pee in it and give it to a buncha idiots...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Yo Karma... What Up Dawg!?
The Question: Is karma a real thing, and if so how do you alter your own personal karma?
No one can know for sure what can't be known for sure... I however do not believe in Karma in a religious sense.... I definitely believe in the principles of cause and effect, however because I don't have any evidence, nor gut feelings that I have lived previous lives, I do not believe that my actions in them would impact the probability of better or worse things happening to me in this one... Again, no one can know anything for sure... I just like to play the odds...
Here is my problem with Karma... It is a principle of balance that has faults in the equation... For example... Let's just say there is a new born baby laying down in its crib... the parents are asleep in the room next door... and a snake makes its way into the baby's room, and up into the crib (and yes sadly shit like this happens)... The baby has done everything in its power to survive... breathing, crying for help, flailing its little arms... yet it's to no avail... So what do you end up with... A happy snake, 2 anguished parents, and a dead baby... Now you could say one or both of those parents had it coming for something they did in this life or a past one; or the snake did an exemplary job of infiltrating the house and deserved his prize... (thus the parents will have some good karma coming to them in this life or a future one)... but what of the karma of the baby... He wasn't alive long enough to deserve this brutal fate, nor does he have the ability to formulate memories to which this deed could compensate for bad karma from a previous life... So where would justice and fairness come into play here? Was that baby born only to punish the parents? Is human life that meaningless? No, it's nothing personal... Just a random series of events that are dictated by cause and effect... not of a supernatural world, but of a real physical world that is driven by reactionary responses of the total environment and parts beyond... The web of cause and effect is so vast and limitless that it appear to be supernatural... but its not... (in my opinion)
Nature is brutal, unfair, and has been around playing judge and jury waaayyyy before the dawn of mankind... Are we to believe that cosmically karma came to exist because humans came to exist? Is a species who was improbably granted self awareness on a boon dock backwater planet that will fade out of existence as soon as our sun explodes worthy of special cosmic rules and loopholes? Are we to believe that karma existed as soon as conscious choice came to exist...? Or is karma just a good way of keeping people in check and stopping them from being even bigger assholes than they already have a tendency to be? (because whether we want to admit it or not... we are still beasts... we are just told that we are not supposed to enjoy it) I don't believe in the concept of being a good person for the concept of reward... (I actually don't believe in the concept of "good" or "bad" people at all but that explanation is gonna have to be for a different blog) Either way, if you are going to do a good deed, do it to make the world a better place for everyone, not just for yourself...
So how do you adjust your own personal karma? Don't be an asshole... Do good deeds for the sake of doing good deeds, and learn to be at peace with yourself regardless of the outcome... When people kick you in the nuts... get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward... Take whatever steps you have to take to not be jaded and horrible like the majority of people... It won't guarantee anything, but on the principle of cause and effect, it definitely won't hurt your chances...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
No one can know for sure what can't be known for sure... I however do not believe in Karma in a religious sense.... I definitely believe in the principles of cause and effect, however because I don't have any evidence, nor gut feelings that I have lived previous lives, I do not believe that my actions in them would impact the probability of better or worse things happening to me in this one... Again, no one can know anything for sure... I just like to play the odds...
Here is my problem with Karma... It is a principle of balance that has faults in the equation... For example... Let's just say there is a new born baby laying down in its crib... the parents are asleep in the room next door... and a snake makes its way into the baby's room, and up into the crib (and yes sadly shit like this happens)... The baby has done everything in its power to survive... breathing, crying for help, flailing its little arms... yet it's to no avail... So what do you end up with... A happy snake, 2 anguished parents, and a dead baby... Now you could say one or both of those parents had it coming for something they did in this life or a past one; or the snake did an exemplary job of infiltrating the house and deserved his prize... (thus the parents will have some good karma coming to them in this life or a future one)... but what of the karma of the baby... He wasn't alive long enough to deserve this brutal fate, nor does he have the ability to formulate memories to which this deed could compensate for bad karma from a previous life... So where would justice and fairness come into play here? Was that baby born only to punish the parents? Is human life that meaningless? No, it's nothing personal... Just a random series of events that are dictated by cause and effect... not of a supernatural world, but of a real physical world that is driven by reactionary responses of the total environment and parts beyond... The web of cause and effect is so vast and limitless that it appear to be supernatural... but its not... (in my opinion)
Nature is brutal, unfair, and has been around playing judge and jury waaayyyy before the dawn of mankind... Are we to believe that cosmically karma came to exist because humans came to exist? Is a species who was improbably granted self awareness on a boon dock backwater planet that will fade out of existence as soon as our sun explodes worthy of special cosmic rules and loopholes? Are we to believe that karma existed as soon as conscious choice came to exist...? Or is karma just a good way of keeping people in check and stopping them from being even bigger assholes than they already have a tendency to be? (because whether we want to admit it or not... we are still beasts... we are just told that we are not supposed to enjoy it) I don't believe in the concept of being a good person for the concept of reward... (I actually don't believe in the concept of "good" or "bad" people at all but that explanation is gonna have to be for a different blog) Either way, if you are going to do a good deed, do it to make the world a better place for everyone, not just for yourself...
So how do you adjust your own personal karma? Don't be an asshole... Do good deeds for the sake of doing good deeds, and learn to be at peace with yourself regardless of the outcome... When people kick you in the nuts... get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward... Take whatever steps you have to take to not be jaded and horrible like the majority of people... It won't guarantee anything, but on the principle of cause and effect, it definitely won't hurt your chances...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Should I Want to Fight Voltaire?
The Question: You would fight Voltaire? Really? What the hell did he do to you?
Ok ok slow down... I'm not a frog and you're not a bunny so let's not jump ahead... I actually think my defiant views are parallel with his... He believed the government and church to be corrupt(any arguments here?), the commoners (like me) to be fools for the most part, he distrusted the concept of democracy because the people were not smart enough to decide how things should be ran(go figure), he disagreed with censorship, exc. (smart dude)...
However, I want to challenge him to a Thunder Dome brawl to see if he has the courage to stand by his convictions in a life or death situation...I wanna see what he's made of... Maybe he overheard his ideologies in an open air market, jotted them down in his writings, did some foofy French public relations, and got his ass inadvertantly glorified and put in the history books... Maybe he was a coward? Maybe he was a badass? Dunno... I just think anyone who stands for the things he advocated should be able to take a right cross or two... Ask Lincoln or Jefferson... If he folds on his views after a clean shot to the gut than I feel things like that are worth mentioning in the history books too... Or maybe he is all he's cracked up to be... I will never truly know unless I fight him... to the death... I just can't help but be suspicious of him...
To answer your question though...he didn't do anything to me...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Ok ok slow down... I'm not a frog and you're not a bunny so let's not jump ahead... I actually think my defiant views are parallel with his... He believed the government and church to be corrupt(any arguments here?), the commoners (like me) to be fools for the most part, he distrusted the concept of democracy because the people were not smart enough to decide how things should be ran(go figure), he disagreed with censorship, exc. (smart dude)...
However, I want to challenge him to a Thunder Dome brawl to see if he has the courage to stand by his convictions in a life or death situation...I wanna see what he's made of... Maybe he overheard his ideologies in an open air market, jotted them down in his writings, did some foofy French public relations, and got his ass inadvertantly glorified and put in the history books... Maybe he was a coward? Maybe he was a badass? Dunno... I just think anyone who stands for the things he advocated should be able to take a right cross or two... Ask Lincoln or Jefferson... If he folds on his views after a clean shot to the gut than I feel things like that are worth mentioning in the history books too... Or maybe he is all he's cracked up to be... I will never truly know unless I fight him... to the death... I just can't help but be suspicious of him...
To answer your question though...he didn't do anything to me...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Should I Want to Fight Princess Zelda?
The Question: Why don't you want to fight Zelda? Shes a bitch...
Well, just because there are a wide variety of people I would love to scrap with doesn't mean I want to scrap with everyone... I have good reasons for each person I added to my Thunder Dome list... Reasons could include a lack of respect, a sense of disgust, good sport, or an honorable death... For none of these reasons however, would I add Princess Zelda to my chopping block... She never really rubbed me the wrong way...
Was she a bitch... ? Yes... but dude, most royalty are difficult to deal with when you are hoi polloi... I'm sure her nose was stuck in the air higher than a Frenchman in a room full of offensive odors... It is par for the course... You can't hold that against her... For a lady of her status she actually seemed quite pleasant... ANDDDD she MUST have been rewarding... Link wouldn't have went soooooo far out of the way for her all the time if she wasn't hookin his ass up big time... Maybe he would save her once, but definitely not over the course of six gaming platforms and a cartoon series... If there was nothing in it for him he woulda been smoking under the bridge with the guy that gives you the bottle...Maybe she really loved Link, or maybe he was a convenience that she was taking for a ride... Either way, she paid what she owed... Hate the system, or better yet, hate the King... but don't hate Zelda... Actually I wasn't going to address this issue but you forced me to... What the FUCK is wrong with her father!!!
The King, all high and mighty, is lazy worthless piece of shit... I came to my senses and added him to my Thunder Dome list right away...His daughter got kidnapped how many times, and he NEVER did a Gawd Damn thing... And don't give me that "but what about all that shit you just said about royalty and durt durt durt n durt...?" This is different... Sean Connery has been king more times than I can count, and he ALWAYS goes after missing persons... Try and stop him... he is a machine... What did Zelda's father do... Let ONE DUDE explore the WHOLE world for her while he keeps all his guards barricaded within his keep so he knows he himself will be safe... Not to mention he never seems to remember Link by the next time she gets kidnapped... Talk about a father that doesn't give a shit about his kid... I'm not surprised Zelda gives it up at 13 years old...
Neglectful apathetic fathers like that drive their daughters who become starving for attention at an early age to be prostitutes and porn stars (not strippers though... that's a completely different story)... If it wasn't for a nation of bad fathers, our porno industry would be quite stunted... You have all these dickheads who are just too concerned with their own ass-backwards life to stop and teach their kids anything... They don't know what their kids are doing and they don't give a shit... Hey, let's just let MTV raise them... Zelda is putting out at 13, getting kidnapped left and right because she was never taught to look both ways, and all the damn King is doing is examining his tax roll... That guy needs a good ass kicking...Zelda is just lucky shes rich and found a good guy or else you might be seeing her in your next edition of "Feeding Frenzy." You can't blame her though... She is a product of her environment... If you want me to fight someone... have me fight the guy responsible...
Well, just because there are a wide variety of people I would love to scrap with doesn't mean I want to scrap with everyone... I have good reasons for each person I added to my Thunder Dome list... Reasons could include a lack of respect, a sense of disgust, good sport, or an honorable death... For none of these reasons however, would I add Princess Zelda to my chopping block... She never really rubbed me the wrong way...
Was she a bitch... ? Yes... but dude, most royalty are difficult to deal with when you are hoi polloi... I'm sure her nose was stuck in the air higher than a Frenchman in a room full of offensive odors... It is par for the course... You can't hold that against her... For a lady of her status she actually seemed quite pleasant... ANDDDD she MUST have been rewarding... Link wouldn't have went soooooo far out of the way for her all the time if she wasn't hookin his ass up big time... Maybe he would save her once, but definitely not over the course of six gaming platforms and a cartoon series... If there was nothing in it for him he woulda been smoking under the bridge with the guy that gives you the bottle...Maybe she really loved Link, or maybe he was a convenience that she was taking for a ride... Either way, she paid what she owed... Hate the system, or better yet, hate the King... but don't hate Zelda... Actually I wasn't going to address this issue but you forced me to... What the FUCK is wrong with her father!!!
The King, all high and mighty, is lazy worthless piece of shit... I came to my senses and added him to my Thunder Dome list right away...His daughter got kidnapped how many times, and he NEVER did a Gawd Damn thing... And don't give me that "but what about all that shit you just said about royalty and durt durt durt n durt...?" This is different... Sean Connery has been king more times than I can count, and he ALWAYS goes after missing persons... Try and stop him... he is a machine... What did Zelda's father do... Let ONE DUDE explore the WHOLE world for her while he keeps all his guards barricaded within his keep so he knows he himself will be safe... Not to mention he never seems to remember Link by the next time she gets kidnapped... Talk about a father that doesn't give a shit about his kid... I'm not surprised Zelda gives it up at 13 years old...
Neglectful apathetic fathers like that drive their daughters who become starving for attention at an early age to be prostitutes and porn stars (not strippers though... that's a completely different story)... If it wasn't for a nation of bad fathers, our porno industry would be quite stunted... You have all these dickheads who are just too concerned with their own ass-backwards life to stop and teach their kids anything... They don't know what their kids are doing and they don't give a shit... Hey, let's just let MTV raise them... Zelda is putting out at 13, getting kidnapped left and right because she was never taught to look both ways, and all the damn King is doing is examining his tax roll... That guy needs a good ass kicking...Zelda is just lucky shes rich and found a good guy or else you might be seeing her in your next edition of "Feeding Frenzy." You can't blame her though... She is a product of her environment... If you want me to fight someone... have me fight the guy responsible...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Who Would I Fight in Thunderdome?
The Question: Who would you fight in the post nuke arena of Thunder- Dome?
Right now half of my buddies are reading the title of this Blog and just thinking to themselves..."Oh no..." A question like that can prompt a Blog of record breaking page length proportions... I mean off the top of my head I would want to fight:
Rossie O'donnell, Bernie Kerik, Bernie Madoff, Bernie Lomax, Spike Lee, Sir Edward Appleton, Napoleon Bonaparte, Robert P. Marble, any of the Hanson brothers, any of the Lawrence brothers, Courtny Love, President Pierce, Tom Brady, Carlos Mencia, Billy Corgan, Prince Albert, the casting directors of the marvel movies (Nobody with a soul would have casted Ben Affleck as Daredevil), Glen Close, Kemal Ataturk, Kristy Alley, Fred Savage, Condoleezza Rice, Harold Macmillan, Parris Hilton, Parris Hilton's parents, the guy who invented American Idol, Bad Boy John Mcenroe (It's awesome when he flies off the handle), and Judge Ito...
And...
Usher, Pope Benedict, Kevin Federline, Annie Besant, Elron Hubbard, L.F, I.F, M.F, the guy who took Threes Company off the air, Tipper Gore, the guy who invented ring tones, the French, Bill O'riley, Steven Tyler, Cleopatra, Freud, Adolf Hitler, Adam Sandler, John Edwards, Mathew Broderick, Gary Coleman, Ralph Machio, Dave Justice, Zach Morris, the guy that took the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles off the air, Michael Jackson (just to see him shatter into 100 plastic pieces), Tom Cruise, Phil Collins, Tiger Woods (All that skill and he's too cool to sign autographs... Suck my balls), Robert Paulson, Charlemagne, Inspector Gadget, anyone who has modeled for Abercrombie, any crooked cop, Woopie Goldberg, Marco Polo, and Abigail Adams...
And...
OJ Simpson, Dennis Rodman, Ben Affleck (for auditioning to be Daredevil), the chick who had 8 babies, James Carville, Dirty Bird, Joseph Smith, Edmund Burke, Chris Tucker, Rick Astley, Madonna, Gavin Rossdale, an Emo kid, Captain Planet, Corey Feldman, Henry Rollins (That's as stylish as suicide gets), Molly Ringwald, any of the Great Pharaohs, Nostradamus, Josephene Butler, Caligula, Benjamin Disraeli, FDR, that guy that called me a fizzle and ran, John Stamos, Lady Godiva, Arthur Harris, John Steinbeck, Donald Rumsfeld, Nero, and Christopher Columbus...
And
George W. Bush, Alfonso Ribeiro, anyone who is standing 15 yards away from me pretending to cough because I have a cigarette in my hand, Sir Robert Peel, the character Mr. Orange from Resivoir Dogs, President Carter, Axel Rose, Sam Walton, Siegfried, Roy, John Smith, Tiberius, François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire), Don King, Mario from Super Mario Brothers, F. Scott Fitzgerald, M. Night Shyamalan, the King from the Zelda Universe, and Falson...
I can go on and on but I'm going to stop before I get warmed up... If you need me to elaborate on any of the mentioned parties I would be happy to...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Right now half of my buddies are reading the title of this Blog and just thinking to themselves..."Oh no..." A question like that can prompt a Blog of record breaking page length proportions... I mean off the top of my head I would want to fight:
Rossie O'donnell, Bernie Kerik, Bernie Madoff, Bernie Lomax, Spike Lee, Sir Edward Appleton, Napoleon Bonaparte, Robert P. Marble, any of the Hanson brothers, any of the Lawrence brothers, Courtny Love, President Pierce, Tom Brady, Carlos Mencia, Billy Corgan, Prince Albert, the casting directors of the marvel movies (Nobody with a soul would have casted Ben Affleck as Daredevil), Glen Close, Kemal Ataturk, Kristy Alley, Fred Savage, Condoleezza Rice, Harold Macmillan, Parris Hilton, Parris Hilton's parents, the guy who invented American Idol, Bad Boy John Mcenroe (It's awesome when he flies off the handle), and Judge Ito...
And...
Usher, Pope Benedict, Kevin Federline, Annie Besant, Elron Hubbard, L.F, I.F, M.F, the guy who took Threes Company off the air, Tipper Gore, the guy who invented ring tones, the French, Bill O'riley, Steven Tyler, Cleopatra, Freud, Adolf Hitler, Adam Sandler, John Edwards, Mathew Broderick, Gary Coleman, Ralph Machio, Dave Justice, Zach Morris, the guy that took the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles off the air, Michael Jackson (just to see him shatter into 100 plastic pieces), Tom Cruise, Phil Collins, Tiger Woods (All that skill and he's too cool to sign autographs... Suck my balls), Robert Paulson, Charlemagne, Inspector Gadget, anyone who has modeled for Abercrombie, any crooked cop, Woopie Goldberg, Marco Polo, and Abigail Adams...
And...
OJ Simpson, Dennis Rodman, Ben Affleck (for auditioning to be Daredevil), the chick who had 8 babies, James Carville, Dirty Bird, Joseph Smith, Edmund Burke, Chris Tucker, Rick Astley, Madonna, Gavin Rossdale, an Emo kid, Captain Planet, Corey Feldman, Henry Rollins (That's as stylish as suicide gets), Molly Ringwald, any of the Great Pharaohs, Nostradamus, Josephene Butler, Caligula, Benjamin Disraeli, FDR, that guy that called me a fizzle and ran, John Stamos, Lady Godiva, Arthur Harris, John Steinbeck, Donald Rumsfeld, Nero, and Christopher Columbus...
And
George W. Bush, Alfonso Ribeiro, anyone who is standing 15 yards away from me pretending to cough because I have a cigarette in my hand, Sir Robert Peel, the character Mr. Orange from Resivoir Dogs, President Carter, Axel Rose, Sam Walton, Siegfried, Roy, John Smith, Tiberius, François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire), Don King, Mario from Super Mario Brothers, F. Scott Fitzgerald, M. Night Shyamalan, the King from the Zelda Universe, and Falson...
I can go on and on but I'm going to stop before I get warmed up... If you need me to elaborate on any of the mentioned parties I would be happy to...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Dirty Bird gets the Worm
The Question: What makes a dirty bird so dirty?
To answer this question we must take a step back and ask ourselves... What is a dirty bird?
A dirty bird is a chick who doesn't change her panties in a timely fashion... The degree of neglect to this necessary recycling of unmentionables is what would fluctuate the dirtiness of the bird... Pantie awareness is a serious issue that I feel doesn't get enough air time... It's a woman's responsibility to make sure that no one in a room can tell that she needs a fresh change... If there is any margin of error AT ALL... she could run the risk of becoming a dirty bird...
The worst is when a woman shows blatant disregard for pantie awareness... There will be a whole room full of people minding their own business drawing personified illustrations of television sets solving mysteries... When all of a sudden they hear "WOOOOOOOOO! I NEED TO CHANGE MY PANTIES...!"(Owned) This is highly unacceptable... It's outrageous... "How could she just call herself out like that?" "Shouldn't she be handling that issue now that we all know it needs to be handled?" Of course these questions have plagued my mind for years and years now... I've still got nothin...When a person shows such disregard for her own pantie awareness... She goes way above and beyond being A Dirty Bird... She becomes...THE Dirty Bird... (And I mean for the "THE" to sound like a "THEE")...
Please change your panties... you know who you are...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
To answer this question we must take a step back and ask ourselves... What is a dirty bird?
A dirty bird is a chick who doesn't change her panties in a timely fashion... The degree of neglect to this necessary recycling of unmentionables is what would fluctuate the dirtiness of the bird... Pantie awareness is a serious issue that I feel doesn't get enough air time... It's a woman's responsibility to make sure that no one in a room can tell that she needs a fresh change... If there is any margin of error AT ALL... she could run the risk of becoming a dirty bird...
The worst is when a woman shows blatant disregard for pantie awareness... There will be a whole room full of people minding their own business drawing personified illustrations of television sets solving mysteries... When all of a sudden they hear "WOOOOOOOOO! I NEED TO CHANGE MY PANTIES...!"(Owned) This is highly unacceptable... It's outrageous... "How could she just call herself out like that?" "Shouldn't she be handling that issue now that we all know it needs to be handled?" Of course these questions have plagued my mind for years and years now... I've still got nothin...When a person shows such disregard for her own pantie awareness... She goes way above and beyond being A Dirty Bird... She becomes...THE Dirty Bird... (And I mean for the "THE" to sound like a "THEE")...
Please change your panties... you know who you are...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Did Hitler Ever Ride a Skateboard?
Question: So what was up with Hitler and his skateboard?
According to the rest of the world, the skateboard was invented in the late 1940s by someone in California. No one knows exactly what date or by whom the first skateboard was ever made, but it was assumed that the purpose of its creation was to entertain surfers who were still compelled to surf when there were no waves... Today, the world will know the truth...
The real story takes place in Austria April 20th, 1904... Adolf Hitler's 15th birthday (and yes he already had his tiny mustache)... He was very introverted and didn't get along too well with other children... He always tried to play hopscotch with the neighborhood girls but they wouldn't let him because he was very lame... On the day of his birthday, his mother gave him an ironing board as a gift... Hitler loved to iron soooo much and his little eyes lit up at the sight of it... His father saw how happy he was to have it, called him a little flootsy, and beat him unmercifully... Hitler was used to that sorta thing (being called gay)... Later that night Hitler had a dream... A fairy wearing nutters and knee-high socks came to him and told him that he was destined for much more than playing hopscotch... The fairy and Hitler talked for what seemed to be a lifetime and when Hitler woke up, he was drunk with creativity... He grabbed his ironing board, his mother's roller skates, and father's hand tools, and disappeared into the mountains... He attached the hinges and wheels of the skates to the bottom of the ironing board and made... THE WORLD'S FIRST SKATE BOARD.... Not only did he invent it... He Tore It Up! Hitler was amazing... He could do things on a skateboard that would make Tony Hawk look like Wayne Brady... He didn't need anyone... As long as he was crusin, the world was his oyster... Unfortunately, this joy like all the other joys in his life, was short lived...
Hitler... riding through town one day... clipped a rock with his front wheels that sent him tumbling head over heels into 4 Jews playing a high stakes dradle game... These weren't just your average Jews though... ohhhhh no... these Jews were tough... damn tough... Each one of them stood over seven feet tall and were built like tanks... Their eyes were red and their noses were huge... Hitler's little spill caused two of them to lose a considerable amount of money, and they were in no mood for an explanation... They grabbed Hitler's skateboard and broke it over his head... When he woke up, his memories were fragmented, and he wasn't making much sense... He didn't know what had happened or why he was injured... he just knew... for whatever reason... that he hated Jews with a passion and he wouldn't rest until he purged the Earth of them forever...
Shortly after... he joined the military, was a decorated survivor of WWI, became leader of the Nazi party in 1921, was appointed Chancellor in 1933, turned Germany against the Jews, and the rest is history...
Funny epilogue... One of the Jews that smashed the board over Hitler's head copied the design (using a Jewish ironing board and Jewish roller skates) and gave it to his 8 year old son who lived in Warsaw... When the Nazi's invaded Warsaw in 1944, one of the German soldiers discovered it in building debris and sent it to his son back in Germany... In 1946 the German kid traded it to a traveling merchant for a radio he soon discovered was broken.... In 1948 the traveling merchant traded it to a British kid who soon after took a trip to California to visit his Aunt... On that trip the kid was beaten to death and robbed of all his belongings (right around the year the skateboard was invented)...
The End...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
According to the rest of the world, the skateboard was invented in the late 1940s by someone in California. No one knows exactly what date or by whom the first skateboard was ever made, but it was assumed that the purpose of its creation was to entertain surfers who were still compelled to surf when there were no waves... Today, the world will know the truth...
The real story takes place in Austria April 20th, 1904... Adolf Hitler's 15th birthday (and yes he already had his tiny mustache)... He was very introverted and didn't get along too well with other children... He always tried to play hopscotch with the neighborhood girls but they wouldn't let him because he was very lame... On the day of his birthday, his mother gave him an ironing board as a gift... Hitler loved to iron soooo much and his little eyes lit up at the sight of it... His father saw how happy he was to have it, called him a little flootsy, and beat him unmercifully... Hitler was used to that sorta thing (being called gay)... Later that night Hitler had a dream... A fairy wearing nutters and knee-high socks came to him and told him that he was destined for much more than playing hopscotch... The fairy and Hitler talked for what seemed to be a lifetime and when Hitler woke up, he was drunk with creativity... He grabbed his ironing board, his mother's roller skates, and father's hand tools, and disappeared into the mountains... He attached the hinges and wheels of the skates to the bottom of the ironing board and made... THE WORLD'S FIRST SKATE BOARD.... Not only did he invent it... He Tore It Up! Hitler was amazing... He could do things on a skateboard that would make Tony Hawk look like Wayne Brady... He didn't need anyone... As long as he was crusin, the world was his oyster... Unfortunately, this joy like all the other joys in his life, was short lived...
Hitler... riding through town one day... clipped a rock with his front wheels that sent him tumbling head over heels into 4 Jews playing a high stakes dradle game... These weren't just your average Jews though... ohhhhh no... these Jews were tough... damn tough... Each one of them stood over seven feet tall and were built like tanks... Their eyes were red and their noses were huge... Hitler's little spill caused two of them to lose a considerable amount of money, and they were in no mood for an explanation... They grabbed Hitler's skateboard and broke it over his head... When he woke up, his memories were fragmented, and he wasn't making much sense... He didn't know what had happened or why he was injured... he just knew... for whatever reason... that he hated Jews with a passion and he wouldn't rest until he purged the Earth of them forever...
Shortly after... he joined the military, was a decorated survivor of WWI, became leader of the Nazi party in 1921, was appointed Chancellor in 1933, turned Germany against the Jews, and the rest is history...
Funny epilogue... One of the Jews that smashed the board over Hitler's head copied the design (using a Jewish ironing board and Jewish roller skates) and gave it to his 8 year old son who lived in Warsaw... When the Nazi's invaded Warsaw in 1944, one of the German soldiers discovered it in building debris and sent it to his son back in Germany... In 1946 the German kid traded it to a traveling merchant for a radio he soon discovered was broken.... In 1948 the traveling merchant traded it to a British kid who soon after took a trip to California to visit his Aunt... On that trip the kid was beaten to death and robbed of all his belongings (right around the year the skateboard was invented)...
The End...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Should an Indoor Pool Party be Thrown?
The Question: Let's say I wanted to throw a pool party on the 3rd floor of an apartment and I live in an apartment complex owned by UCF which is the school I am attempting to earn a degree from. Would you say this is a good idea?
I would say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that idea is one of the best I have ever heard (Apart from giving Dolly Parton the old motorboat in the 80's)... See, college is about wayyyy more than getting a degree... I would go a far as to say that getting the degree is the easy part of going to school... Going to college is about pushing the envelope so far that when it's time to bring the hammer down, you have gone to such great lengths of blatant disregard that no one is able to believe the things you did actually happened... After you graduate and plunge into the real world, your life is over... It all comes tumbling down like a house of cards... You may get a well paying job, a loving wife and kids, a two story home, and a nice lawn with a white picket fence... But all of those things suck... (Unless you have an emo lawn that cuts itself)... We don't really want those things... We just don't want to be homeless falling asleep with our hand on ourselves... Granted, you can scrape by with a bare minimum life style, bar hopping, smoking, and tagging whichever chicks are dumb enough to sleep with someone like you... However in twenty years, if you don't have enough money or grown up kids to pay your medical bills, congratulations, you are now homeless falling asleep with your hand on yourself... There are only two ways to beat this inevitable slavery... Either
A. You travel country to country washing dishes and seeing the world until you have run out of countries... then you pick a fight with Henry Rollins right before you get sick and let him finish the job...
B. You throw an indoor pool party on the third floor of a college building at the University you are attending (I'll tell you why shortly)
C. You get lucky and either win the lotto... or have one of those rare marriages that is actually unlike a hurricane (Starts out wet and wild and in short time you lose your house and your car)
D. Just pick a fight with Henry Rollins now and save yourself some time...
See... Everyone in college goes to parties and bars... however... two years down the road... how many of those parties do you actually remember? How many of those hundreds of people you slept with are still in your memory banks? (Probably only the ones that gave you STDs)... Now when you throw an indoor pool party... Not ONLY will you remember it for the rest of your life... but so will EVERY SINGLE PERSON AT THE PARTY... Memories like that will ride your coat tails like a warm blanket and when the world starts showing you how much everything sucks... you will have the enlightenment of knowing that you are a master of your own destiny... If you lose your job... it's no big deal... you threw an indoor pool party... trust me, you WILL find another job... Who knows... you may never need to go looking for Henry Rollins at all... He may find you... but can you blame him?
As long as you really think out how you are going to throw the party... get some building blueprints, dissect your lease thoroughly, get an appropriate sized pool, engineer an adapter to hook a hose up to your sink (many college buildings pay your water utility for you), facilitate squirt guns and water balloons, get two drums of bubble bath, two or three kegs, and keep the liquor flowing... you are good to go... As for damages... that's what scholarships are for...
Don't fail at life... throw an indoor pool party...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
I would say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that idea is one of the best I have ever heard (Apart from giving Dolly Parton the old motorboat in the 80's)... See, college is about wayyyy more than getting a degree... I would go a far as to say that getting the degree is the easy part of going to school... Going to college is about pushing the envelope so far that when it's time to bring the hammer down, you have gone to such great lengths of blatant disregard that no one is able to believe the things you did actually happened... After you graduate and plunge into the real world, your life is over... It all comes tumbling down like a house of cards... You may get a well paying job, a loving wife and kids, a two story home, and a nice lawn with a white picket fence... But all of those things suck... (Unless you have an emo lawn that cuts itself)... We don't really want those things... We just don't want to be homeless falling asleep with our hand on ourselves... Granted, you can scrape by with a bare minimum life style, bar hopping, smoking, and tagging whichever chicks are dumb enough to sleep with someone like you... However in twenty years, if you don't have enough money or grown up kids to pay your medical bills, congratulations, you are now homeless falling asleep with your hand on yourself... There are only two ways to beat this inevitable slavery... Either
A. You travel country to country washing dishes and seeing the world until you have run out of countries... then you pick a fight with Henry Rollins right before you get sick and let him finish the job...
B. You throw an indoor pool party on the third floor of a college building at the University you are attending (I'll tell you why shortly)
C. You get lucky and either win the lotto... or have one of those rare marriages that is actually unlike a hurricane (Starts out wet and wild and in short time you lose your house and your car)
D. Just pick a fight with Henry Rollins now and save yourself some time...
See... Everyone in college goes to parties and bars... however... two years down the road... how many of those parties do you actually remember? How many of those hundreds of people you slept with are still in your memory banks? (Probably only the ones that gave you STDs)... Now when you throw an indoor pool party... Not ONLY will you remember it for the rest of your life... but so will EVERY SINGLE PERSON AT THE PARTY... Memories like that will ride your coat tails like a warm blanket and when the world starts showing you how much everything sucks... you will have the enlightenment of knowing that you are a master of your own destiny... If you lose your job... it's no big deal... you threw an indoor pool party... trust me, you WILL find another job... Who knows... you may never need to go looking for Henry Rollins at all... He may find you... but can you blame him?
As long as you really think out how you are going to throw the party... get some building blueprints, dissect your lease thoroughly, get an appropriate sized pool, engineer an adapter to hook a hose up to your sink (many college buildings pay your water utility for you), facilitate squirt guns and water balloons, get two drums of bubble bath, two or three kegs, and keep the liquor flowing... you are good to go... As for damages... that's what scholarships are for...
Don't fail at life... throw an indoor pool party...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Which Lisa is Hotter?
The Question: Who's hotter Lisa from Weird Science the movie or Lisa from the TV show?
I read your question about wondering which Lisa was hotter and had nooooo idea because I had never seen weird science the movie, nor the TV show... Rather than leavin ya hangin... I decided to do some research...
Weird Science the movie introduced in 1985 casted Kelly LeBrock to be Lisa...
Weird Science the TV show introduced in 1994 casted Vanessa Angel as Lisa...
Kelly LeBrock was born in 1960... Vanessa Angel in 1966... However even though these women are only 6 years apart (although once women turn 40 they start to age in dog years) Vanessa looks 15 years (minimum) younger than Kelly, AND maintained her figure... Its very impressive comparing the way Vanessa looks in 1985 (Spies Like Us), 1996 (King Pin) and modern day, only to discover a very miniscule change in her appearance... She aged very well... Now Kelly LeBrock on the other hand... Dig up a current picture of her from "The Mirror" and then bury it where you found it (I mean... I guess she is kinda hot... for a senior citizen)... So if you want to be cliche and fancy women who are youthful and havn't fallen apart yet... I would say Vanessa Angel is your best bet...
Let's just say for the sake of time that we are centralizing this argument around which girl was hotter in their prime... That will souly depend on which characteristics people look for in an object of lust... As for me personally, Kelly LeBrock in the 80's kinda reminds me of Michael Jackson in the 80's... Vanessa though, just looking at her leads me to believe she smells good... I dunno... the way I see it... No matter what either of them look like, they are both way better looking than Molly Ringwald... She is the reincarnation of Pablo Picasso's nude-posing model...
Anyways...Lisa from the Weird Science the TV series is hotter... Blaaaamo!
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
I read your question about wondering which Lisa was hotter and had nooooo idea because I had never seen weird science the movie, nor the TV show... Rather than leavin ya hangin... I decided to do some research...
Weird Science the movie introduced in 1985 casted Kelly LeBrock to be Lisa...
Weird Science the TV show introduced in 1994 casted Vanessa Angel as Lisa...
Kelly LeBrock was born in 1960... Vanessa Angel in 1966... However even though these women are only 6 years apart (although once women turn 40 they start to age in dog years) Vanessa looks 15 years (minimum) younger than Kelly, AND maintained her figure... Its very impressive comparing the way Vanessa looks in 1985 (Spies Like Us), 1996 (King Pin) and modern day, only to discover a very miniscule change in her appearance... She aged very well... Now Kelly LeBrock on the other hand... Dig up a current picture of her from "The Mirror" and then bury it where you found it (I mean... I guess she is kinda hot... for a senior citizen)... So if you want to be cliche and fancy women who are youthful and havn't fallen apart yet... I would say Vanessa Angel is your best bet...
Let's just say for the sake of time that we are centralizing this argument around which girl was hotter in their prime... That will souly depend on which characteristics people look for in an object of lust... As for me personally, Kelly LeBrock in the 80's kinda reminds me of Michael Jackson in the 80's... Vanessa though, just looking at her leads me to believe she smells good... I dunno... the way I see it... No matter what either of them look like, they are both way better looking than Molly Ringwald... She is the reincarnation of Pablo Picasso's nude-posing model...
Anyways...Lisa from the Weird Science the TV series is hotter... Blaaaamo!
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Friday, March 27, 2009
Is Edward Scissor Hands a Man or a Robot?
The Question: Is Edward Scissor Hands a man or a robot?
Edward Scissorhands was a man who was never born, but rather created by a mad scientist (much like Frankenstein)... I would classify him as a cyborg...I never gave the topic much thought before this post... however now that I think about it... I do wonder how his brain controls the scissors like fingers... NONE OF THIS IS ADDING UP AT ALL... There was more going on with Edward than the movie led us to believe... I think the most probable answer is that the mad scientist was a grave robber... He snuck into a cemetary, stole Johnny Depp's corpse, sodomized it over and over, watched Star Wars, did the whole "Here Skywalker... have a robot hand" thing so the Depp could do his yardwork, brought him to life, told him he's the reason his mother left (when he found out he got this look on his face that just stuck), and then died before he could complete landscaping zoo (so close, one more penguin bush and they were home free)... So ya... Edward Scissorhands is a cyborg...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Edward Scissorhands was a man who was never born, but rather created by a mad scientist (much like Frankenstein)... I would classify him as a cyborg...I never gave the topic much thought before this post... however now that I think about it... I do wonder how his brain controls the scissors like fingers... NONE OF THIS IS ADDING UP AT ALL... There was more going on with Edward than the movie led us to believe... I think the most probable answer is that the mad scientist was a grave robber... He snuck into a cemetary, stole Johnny Depp's corpse, sodomized it over and over, watched Star Wars, did the whole "Here Skywalker... have a robot hand" thing so the Depp could do his yardwork, brought him to life, told him he's the reason his mother left (when he found out he got this look on his face that just stuck), and then died before he could complete landscaping zoo (so close, one more penguin bush and they were home free)... So ya... Edward Scissorhands is a cyborg...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Why did Scooby Doo go off the air?
The Question: Why did Scooby Doo go off the air?
I've been telling this story for many years now... Every time I tell it... I dunno... It just feels like I've been there... (been where?) So let's break this thing down... We must ask ourselves..."What generally happened in an episode of Scooby Doo?"
You had 4 kids (who should have been in school) driving across the country doing drugs and meddling in people's affairs... Typically these kids would "solve a mystery" exposing some member of the community trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the entire town with an attempt to better their own financial situation... I'm no expert on "life on the streets"(Like so many of you 16 year old private school students out there) but what I do know is if you are gonna rat someone out, they better not find out it was you... These kids however chose to show blatant disregard for the rules of common sense... They made sure every criminal knew that the reason the (often expensive) hoax was foiled was because "The Mystery Machine" was on the case... Anyway the criminal would get carted away hysterically raving "I woulda gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for you Gawd Damn kids!" (That's foreshadowing my friends...)
These kids also made sure to hit a wide variety of places and expose a highly eclectic bunch of bad guys... They had everything from rich bankers and politicians to poor 7 foot farmers and dock workers... They even managed to rat on scientists and witches... Every one of them thirsting for revenge...
There were two different levels of schemes they would foil... Petty fraud (dressing up like a monster because you wanted people to stay off your land) and monumental fraud (dressing up like a monster to get a town full of people to sell their homes for cheap). Typically the petty fraud was committed by the dumb brute force types of criminals, and the monumental fraud is usually a banker or lawyer's handiwork...
BTW how long was that show on??? These kids were ratting people out for YEARS AND YEARS... locking people up by the truckloads... OWNED... And just because a banker is locked away doesn't mean he doesn't have people on the outside...
So why was the show canceled? These kids were hunted day and night by mercenaries, criminals getting out on bail, evil spirits (you should never piss off witches bro), evil robots (you should never piss off scientists either), and durt durt n durt... The point is... when they all finally caught up with those kids... it was a scene of ghoulish slaughter... and the moral of the story is... Don't snitch or you get canceled...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
I've been telling this story for many years now... Every time I tell it... I dunno... It just feels like I've been there... (been where?) So let's break this thing down... We must ask ourselves..."What generally happened in an episode of Scooby Doo?"
You had 4 kids (who should have been in school) driving across the country doing drugs and meddling in people's affairs... Typically these kids would "solve a mystery" exposing some member of the community trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the entire town with an attempt to better their own financial situation... I'm no expert on "life on the streets"(Like so many of you 16 year old private school students out there) but what I do know is if you are gonna rat someone out, they better not find out it was you... These kids however chose to show blatant disregard for the rules of common sense... They made sure every criminal knew that the reason the (often expensive) hoax was foiled was because "The Mystery Machine" was on the case... Anyway the criminal would get carted away hysterically raving "I woulda gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for you Gawd Damn kids!" (That's foreshadowing my friends...)
These kids also made sure to hit a wide variety of places and expose a highly eclectic bunch of bad guys... They had everything from rich bankers and politicians to poor 7 foot farmers and dock workers... They even managed to rat on scientists and witches... Every one of them thirsting for revenge...
There were two different levels of schemes they would foil... Petty fraud (dressing up like a monster because you wanted people to stay off your land) and monumental fraud (dressing up like a monster to get a town full of people to sell their homes for cheap). Typically the petty fraud was committed by the dumb brute force types of criminals, and the monumental fraud is usually a banker or lawyer's handiwork...
BTW how long was that show on??? These kids were ratting people out for YEARS AND YEARS... locking people up by the truckloads... OWNED... And just because a banker is locked away doesn't mean he doesn't have people on the outside...
So why was the show canceled? These kids were hunted day and night by mercenaries, criminals getting out on bail, evil spirits (you should never piss off witches bro), evil robots (you should never piss off scientists either), and durt durt n durt... The point is... when they all finally caught up with those kids... it was a scene of ghoulish slaughter... and the moral of the story is... Don't snitch or you get canceled...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
How do Germans pronounce "waffle?"
The Question: How do Germans pronounce "waffle?" and how many times would you ask a German to say "waffle?"
Germans... I love listening to them say things... They spit hot fire...I don't care if they are speaking in English or German or anything else... They know how to get their point across... If a German were to say "Would you like a waffle?" it would sound something like "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" and I don't care who you are... if you say that out loud right now you will crack a smile... I crack up every time... "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" I can't even type it without laughing... Germans are the stout ale of the beer world... Although I don't know what to call them in the porn world =/
So to answer the second part of your question... I suppose if I saw that same German all the time and I could depend on them being at a certain place at a certain time, I would ask that person to say it at least daily... Just for that little pick me up... If it was a German happen stance and I would probably never see them again, I would probably insist that they continued to repeat "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" until they just get to the point where they've had enough and walk off... I'd let them leave to... because like... I'm not THAT crazy... I mean sure I would ask someone to say "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" a buncha times but I wouldn't chase them down the street to get it out of them... Besides one time is really enough... the rest of the times its just bonus joy...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Germans... I love listening to them say things... They spit hot fire...I don't care if they are speaking in English or German or anything else... They know how to get their point across... If a German were to say "Would you like a waffle?" it would sound something like "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" and I don't care who you are... if you say that out loud right now you will crack a smile... I crack up every time... "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" I can't even type it without laughing... Germans are the stout ale of the beer world... Although I don't know what to call them in the porn world =/
So to answer the second part of your question... I suppose if I saw that same German all the time and I could depend on them being at a certain place at a certain time, I would ask that person to say it at least daily... Just for that little pick me up... If it was a German happen stance and I would probably never see them again, I would probably insist that they continued to repeat "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" until they just get to the point where they've had enough and walk off... I'd let them leave to... because like... I'm not THAT crazy... I mean sure I would ask someone to say "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" a buncha times but I wouldn't chase them down the street to get it out of them... Besides one time is really enough... the rest of the times its just bonus joy...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Tucked In Shirts Are Awful
Topic: I find that I hate tucking in my shirt but I do like putting my hands down my pants... Please discuss your opinion on this...
Often in life, the most obvious answers are the correct ones... In this case, I would like to just quickly say that shit loads of people who like playing with themselves hate tucking their shirts in... Typically when you tuck your shirt in, its because you have to (Much unlike the ladder). I say "typically" because in this day and age you have all kinds of snappy dressers and professionals who like to see themselves lookin good. Some dudes take 45 minutes to get all dolled up just to roll down to the grocery store... To a lot of people, looking good is much more important to being comfortable (and being yourself)... You are obviously not that type... Personally, I think snappy dressers and professionals are kinda gay...
It pisses me off even more knowing what a web of lies the professional world really is... You take off the formal wear and what do you have...? Well it could be a lot of things, but it's most likely a son of a bitch or a smelly skunk of a woman... Everyone knows that most hookers get killed by people in business attire... Don't think it's the crack heads killing all those whores ladies and gentlemen, its not... Prostitutes know crack heads are broke and never have the money up front... Now businessmen, thats a different story... Prostitutes of the future will have surgeries to insert a credit card swiper between their boobs or ass cheeks just because the volume of their business comes from guys in suits who are in town on a business trip and don't feel like watching Skinamax alone... I mean everyone's heard the joke about the politician that killed a stripper with a chair and then asked her "Hey...why the long face...?" I mean nuns tell that joke as they giggle to each other on their way to the soda machine...
To the point at hand... the funny thing about you people acting professional is that you're "acting" professional... We're all a buncha fuckers... Some of us just have better jobs than others... What's great though is that for the most part, I am not sure if anyone likes wearing formal wear, but since it is a paradigm we have no choice... Do we know why we no choice? No, no we don't... I know all of my bosses would much rather be comfortable in a T shirt and shorts... In fact, I think a lot of us would work much more efficiently in clothes we could breath in... Not to mention those employees that are just total all-stars who go way above and beyond and then are sat down to discuss their appearance... "I do everything around here and you want me to tuck my shirt in??? 40 pieces of flair!?!?!?!? Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam... sometimes I could kick this piece of shit out the window...!!" See what happens... Anyways...
How does this happen? How do we all fall into this web of complete illusion? A common example of how to form a paradigm is as follows...
A research team took 4 monkeys and put them in a room with a ladder and banana's at the top of the ladder... Every time a monkey went for the bananas, the other 3 monkeys were sprayed with a hose... After a short while, no monkey would climb the ladder to get the bananas because the other 3 would beat him up for getting them sprayed... They then took one of the monkeys out of the cage and replaced it with a fresh monkey... That monkey climbed the ladder to get the seemingly pleasant bananas and unexpectedly got the shit kicked out of him... He didn't try again... They then replaced a second monkey who also tried to go for the bananas... low and behold he got owned and didn't know why... The third monkey was replaced, same scenario... and then the fourth... same scenario... None of the four monkeys ever went for the banana's again... The beautiful thing is... Because neither of the 4 monkeys were the original 4 monkeys, not one of them ever got sprayed with a fire hose, yet regardless, those bananas were still off limits... If you asked the monkeys why they were not allowed to get those bananas, they would respond "We're not really sure... its just the way its always been..."
So yes, I am comparing the unknown reasons for why everyone is forced to dress professionally to a buncha monkeys who have no idea why they aren't allowed to eat bananas... Oh, and as for your confusion of liking to put your hand down your pants... You're American dude... its practically all we are good at... So no worries... you aren't alone out there... In fact I'll bet you're in good company...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Often in life, the most obvious answers are the correct ones... In this case, I would like to just quickly say that shit loads of people who like playing with themselves hate tucking their shirts in... Typically when you tuck your shirt in, its because you have to (Much unlike the ladder). I say "typically" because in this day and age you have all kinds of snappy dressers and professionals who like to see themselves lookin good. Some dudes take 45 minutes to get all dolled up just to roll down to the grocery store... To a lot of people, looking good is much more important to being comfortable (and being yourself)... You are obviously not that type... Personally, I think snappy dressers and professionals are kinda gay...
It pisses me off even more knowing what a web of lies the professional world really is... You take off the formal wear and what do you have...? Well it could be a lot of things, but it's most likely a son of a bitch or a smelly skunk of a woman... Everyone knows that most hookers get killed by people in business attire... Don't think it's the crack heads killing all those whores ladies and gentlemen, its not... Prostitutes know crack heads are broke and never have the money up front... Now businessmen, thats a different story... Prostitutes of the future will have surgeries to insert a credit card swiper between their boobs or ass cheeks just because the volume of their business comes from guys in suits who are in town on a business trip and don't feel like watching Skinamax alone... I mean everyone's heard the joke about the politician that killed a stripper with a chair and then asked her "Hey...why the long face...?" I mean nuns tell that joke as they giggle to each other on their way to the soda machine...
To the point at hand... the funny thing about you people acting professional is that you're "acting" professional... We're all a buncha fuckers... Some of us just have better jobs than others... What's great though is that for the most part, I am not sure if anyone likes wearing formal wear, but since it is a paradigm we have no choice... Do we know why we no choice? No, no we don't... I know all of my bosses would much rather be comfortable in a T shirt and shorts... In fact, I think a lot of us would work much more efficiently in clothes we could breath in... Not to mention those employees that are just total all-stars who go way above and beyond and then are sat down to discuss their appearance... "I do everything around here and you want me to tuck my shirt in??? 40 pieces of flair!?!?!?!? Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam... sometimes I could kick this piece of shit out the window...!!" See what happens... Anyways...
How does this happen? How do we all fall into this web of complete illusion? A common example of how to form a paradigm is as follows...
A research team took 4 monkeys and put them in a room with a ladder and banana's at the top of the ladder... Every time a monkey went for the bananas, the other 3 monkeys were sprayed with a hose... After a short while, no monkey would climb the ladder to get the bananas because the other 3 would beat him up for getting them sprayed... They then took one of the monkeys out of the cage and replaced it with a fresh monkey... That monkey climbed the ladder to get the seemingly pleasant bananas and unexpectedly got the shit kicked out of him... He didn't try again... They then replaced a second monkey who also tried to go for the bananas... low and behold he got owned and didn't know why... The third monkey was replaced, same scenario... and then the fourth... same scenario... None of the four monkeys ever went for the banana's again... The beautiful thing is... Because neither of the 4 monkeys were the original 4 monkeys, not one of them ever got sprayed with a fire hose, yet regardless, those bananas were still off limits... If you asked the monkeys why they were not allowed to get those bananas, they would respond "We're not really sure... its just the way its always been..."
So yes, I am comparing the unknown reasons for why everyone is forced to dress professionally to a buncha monkeys who have no idea why they aren't allowed to eat bananas... Oh, and as for your confusion of liking to put your hand down your pants... You're American dude... its practically all we are good at... So no worries... you aren't alone out there... In fact I'll bet you're in good company...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
Who is cooler, Han Solo or Indiana Jones?
The Question: Who is cooler, Han Solo or Indiana Jones?
Trying to trick me yet again are we? You would like me to choose one character over the other wouldn't you...? When in reality.... They are the SAME EXACT CHARACTER!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!
Let's however say that we were to make a decision based off of the ONLY possible distinctions...
A. Different Clothing (Indiana Wins)
B. Choice of Company ( Solo had a wookie... Indiana had a young asian...male) (Solo Wins)
C. Linguistics (Solo can speak at least 3 alien languages (Wookie, The green bounty hunter he shot in part 4 (Gawd don't get me started why the started with the 4th one!), and whatever Jabba speaks)... Indiana can count to 15 in Greek(and no matter where his adventures take him, he knows the language and customs)(I think its also fair to assume if Indiana went to space he would know all of the alien languages already too)) (Indiana wins... Clairvoyant Victory!)
So who is cooler, a ruggedly dressed possible child molesting (just because he knows its wrong... or maybe they were just friends) renagade clairvoyant archeologist...? OR Han Solo (He hugs wookies) ??? You know... it is for this very reason that it is impossible to try and decide who to vote for in any US election... sigh... I guess Indiana is cooler...
~Child molesting is wrong... but not as wrong as hugging wookies...
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
Trying to trick me yet again are we? You would like me to choose one character over the other wouldn't you...? When in reality.... They are the SAME EXACT CHARACTER!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!
Let's however say that we were to make a decision based off of the ONLY possible distinctions...
A. Different Clothing (Indiana Wins)
B. Choice of Company ( Solo had a wookie... Indiana had a young asian...male) (Solo Wins)
C. Linguistics (Solo can speak at least 3 alien languages (Wookie, The green bounty hunter he shot in part 4 (Gawd don't get me started why the started with the 4th one!), and whatever Jabba speaks)... Indiana can count to 15 in Greek(and no matter where his adventures take him, he knows the language and customs)(I think its also fair to assume if Indiana went to space he would know all of the alien languages already too)) (Indiana wins... Clairvoyant Victory!)
So who is cooler, a ruggedly dressed possible child molesting (just because he knows its wrong... or maybe they were just friends) renagade clairvoyant archeologist...? OR Han Solo (He hugs wookies) ??? You know... it is for this very reason that it is impossible to try and decide who to vote for in any US election... sigh... I guess Indiana is cooler...
~Child molesting is wrong... but not as wrong as hugging wookies...
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Who Killed JFK?
The Question: Who Killed JFK?
The best answer to that question is another question...
Who had the most to lose?
An answer would be... I think... its more complex than that... See to understand JFKiller's killer, you have to understand who JFKiller was... See JFKiller was born to a 3-legged bitch of a mother... so he was ashamed... And then he was sold to this man... Tido Lebowitz... Lebowitz was a junk yard owner, and dog fighting trainer... and he put JFKiller to training... and he was good! he was DAMN good!!! But then he got put in for the fight of his life... He had to go up against his brother... nibbles... and JFKiller was like NO THAT'S MY BROTHER MAN I CAN'T FIGHT NIBBLES... but he fought him anyway... and JFKiller... killed Nibbles... and then he got all depressed and started doing like...
Skipping ahead we can conclude only one possible suspect for the murder of JFK... Sampson
The best answer to that question is another question...
Who had the most to lose?
An answer would be... I think... its more complex than that... See to understand JFKiller's killer, you have to understand who JFKiller was... See JFKiller was born to a 3-legged bitch of a mother... so he was ashamed... And then he was sold to this man... Tido Lebowitz... Lebowitz was a junk yard owner, and dog fighting trainer... and he put JFKiller to training... and he was good! he was DAMN good!!! But then he got put in for the fight of his life... He had to go up against his brother... nibbles... and JFKiller was like NO THAT'S MY BROTHER MAN I CAN'T FIGHT NIBBLES... but he fought him anyway... and JFKiller... killed Nibbles... and then he got all depressed and started doing like...
Skipping ahead we can conclude only one possible suspect for the murder of JFK... Sampson
Hydromagnetic Magnetoidal Dimensions
The Question: When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hypersleep, which vector of the Romulan nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening? And for extra points, how many wraths till the nearest molton? Be specific, this is a real question.
Anyone who doesn't instantly know that the answer is "The Backstreet Boys" is either a fool, or a gypsy... No further explanation is needed...
Anyone who doesn't instantly know that the answer is "The Backstreet Boys" is either a fool, or a gypsy... No further explanation is needed...
Is Alice in Chains the Best Band Ever?
The Question: "Is Alice in Chains really the best band ever in the history of the universe?"
What a good looking question... The answer is yes. They are in fact the best band ever in the history of the universe... Unfortunately, some people are so ridiculously clueless that they have no idea how epic they are... Lucky for us those people don't count... They are like pieces of grass meant to be trampled over by other people with places to be...
So anyways yes... Alice in Chains is by far the best band ever in the history of the universe...
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
What a good looking question... The answer is yes. They are in fact the best band ever in the history of the universe... Unfortunately, some people are so ridiculously clueless that they have no idea how epic they are... Lucky for us those people don't count... They are like pieces of grass meant to be trampled over by other people with places to be...
So anyways yes... Alice in Chains is by far the best band ever in the history of the universe...
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
Why didn't evolution make a wheeled creature?
The Question was: Why didn't evolution ever make a creature that has wheels? There's legs, there's wings...no wheels. You'd think nature would have figured that out.
Well, its good by first stating that mother nature is much like a nun... At any moment she could go crazy bitch... So let's see, what are some possible reasons for creatures to be denied wheels... (Assuming there isn't one out there we don't know about) (Pictures of animals with wheels are welcome).
I would like to think the appendages that creatures have now are already superior to wheels. What can a wheel do that a leg or arm or fin can't? Wheels might let a creature roll down a hill faster, but considering how hard it would be to get back up, they would probably collect
at the base and be a buffet for a bigger animal that knows it pays off to wait at the bottom of a hill when you're hungry... So maybe thats what happened to all of them... (Besides, it is probably hard to procreate if you are on wheels all the time...)
Well, its good by first stating that mother nature is much like a nun... At any moment she could go crazy bitch... So let's see, what are some possible reasons for creatures to be denied wheels... (Assuming there isn't one out there we don't know about) (Pictures of animals with wheels are welcome).
I would like to think the appendages that creatures have now are already superior to wheels. What can a wheel do that a leg or arm or fin can't? Wheels might let a creature roll down a hill faster, but considering how hard it would be to get back up, they would probably collect
at the base and be a buffet for a bigger animal that knows it pays off to wait at the bottom of a hill when you're hungry... So maybe thats what happened to all of them... (Besides, it is probably hard to procreate if you are on wheels all the time...)
Where did the modern southern accents come from?
The question was "Since Americans came from Britain how did we get the "hick" accent. How did people start talking like they do in Texas or Tennessee? It's not like we learned it from the Indians."
That's a good question... Language has never been static... It changes all the time based around the needs of the society... Up in the north with their foofy accents and tootling tea parties, them boyz in tha south were getting their hands dirty (by...telling...black people... to get their hands dirty... in a rather insisting way...(unless you were a trapper)) I mean, seriously though... back then, what was in the south... big plantations... and random houses out in the middle of nowhere with a shit load of land and a scruffy trapper living in it.
Rufus and I like to coin the term "Pikemen" to illustrate the sort... Pikemen are otherwise known as the workin man's hero... Archers are like, up above... lookin down below... And they think they are all bad ass... they got the nice fuckin hair, and clean clothes, and they are all clean shavin and durt durt n durt... And what do they do... sit back and shoot dogs... they arn't even people...! Well if you take the archers out of the equation what have you got? YOU'VE GOT THE PIKEMEN!!! As I said before.. the pikemen are the workin man's heroes.... they get down into the nitty fuckin gritty... What do they have... they just have a pike (Ya just one, they lose that they have to take someone else's) and thats it dude... They don't even have hair...! Why the fuck would they need nice clothes or nice things if all they have going on that day is piking? So ya needless to say.. they get down below... So NOW I ask ya... Do the pikemen need to spend any energy learning grammar? No! Could they and did some, yes and probably, but not enough to influence or alter the order of things... Anyways, same rules apply to the southern territories...
The pronunciation and grammar upheld in the northern cities wasn't as much of a necessity for a good majority of the southern trappers and laborers... (Of course you have your exceptions with the super rich plantation owner hence the southern eloquent drop your handkerchief accent which is a different topic all together...) Much of the south had no respect for northerners anyway, so who cares if they started speaking differently... nannies...
So ya... Years go by, time passes, people migrate, societies change, territories become more territorial, native tomahawk wielding beasts are slaughtered by the masses so we can have all their cool stuff, and dialects are different all over the place(especially in Brooklyn and Jersey... it takes a lottttt of years of the whole town being assholes 24/7 to make an accent that sounds like that...)
Speaking of us taking the Native American's stuff... have it, we do... I love the stuff that they once had soooo much... Every time before I go to sleep I stop and I think... "Wow, a Native American probably slept right here in this very spot..." Does anyone else ever bother to thank their ancestors for the rad hook up? (Sarcasm... I learned it from Raphael the Ninja Turtle)
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
That's a good question... Language has never been static... It changes all the time based around the needs of the society... Up in the north with their foofy accents and tootling tea parties, them boyz in tha south were getting their hands dirty (by...telling...black people... to get their hands dirty... in a rather insisting way...(unless you were a trapper)) I mean, seriously though... back then, what was in the south... big plantations... and random houses out in the middle of nowhere with a shit load of land and a scruffy trapper living in it.
Rufus and I like to coin the term "Pikemen" to illustrate the sort... Pikemen are otherwise known as the workin man's hero... Archers are like, up above... lookin down below... And they think they are all bad ass... they got the nice fuckin hair, and clean clothes, and they are all clean shavin and durt durt n durt... And what do they do... sit back and shoot dogs... they arn't even people...! Well if you take the archers out of the equation what have you got? YOU'VE GOT THE PIKEMEN!!! As I said before.. the pikemen are the workin man's heroes.... they get down into the nitty fuckin gritty... What do they have... they just have a pike (Ya just one, they lose that they have to take someone else's) and thats it dude... They don't even have hair...! Why the fuck would they need nice clothes or nice things if all they have going on that day is piking? So ya needless to say.. they get down below... So NOW I ask ya... Do the pikemen need to spend any energy learning grammar? No! Could they and did some, yes and probably, but not enough to influence or alter the order of things... Anyways, same rules apply to the southern territories...
The pronunciation and grammar upheld in the northern cities wasn't as much of a necessity for a good majority of the southern trappers and laborers... (Of course you have your exceptions with the super rich plantation owner hence the southern eloquent drop your handkerchief accent which is a different topic all together...) Much of the south had no respect for northerners anyway, so who cares if they started speaking differently... nannies...
So ya... Years go by, time passes, people migrate, societies change, territories become more territorial, native tomahawk wielding beasts are slaughtered by the masses so we can have all their cool stuff, and dialects are different all over the place(especially in Brooklyn and Jersey... it takes a lottttt of years of the whole town being assholes 24/7 to make an accent that sounds like that...)
Speaking of us taking the Native American's stuff... have it, we do... I love the stuff that they once had soooo much... Every time before I go to sleep I stop and I think... "Wow, a Native American probably slept right here in this very spot..." Does anyone else ever bother to thank their ancestors for the rad hook up? (Sarcasm... I learned it from Raphael the Ninja Turtle)
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
Ask Questions Here
Please ask any and all questions here so that I can answer them in a disorderly fashion... May the best question win...
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief
Intro?
Hello everyone and welcome to the wonderful world of unnecessary opinion... This world is full of both pertinent and useless information and I'm sure some of us feel like we have a pretty good handle on at least a portion of it (God I hate so many of you)... We live in a world of computers, Wikipedia, proper grammar, castle penguins, little mushrooms, fobabs and doodads... The purpose of this Blog is not to inform you of things that you can look up on any of the thousands of places the internet provides... Instead, I am going to seemingly answer your question while attempting to slander you or the topic at hand (or do something equally entertaining)... Who would subject themselves to this? (You would think no one but look how well MTV has done). I encourage all of you to take your proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, know-it-all attitude, and spiffy dressing (for you slow rollin swaggerin types) and put all of those things in a box... then take that box and throw it in the fuckin ocean... Let Joc Cousteau find it along with those cool sea horses that look like plants but no dude, they are sea horses (I swear)... GaWd DaMn French explorers... I'll get back to that in a second... Anyways... Feel free to post any questions you may or may not already know, and I will give you "My Answer" (I can't stress that part enough) or synopsis of the issue at hand...Let's kick this thing straight in the nuts...
Regards,
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Theif
Regards,
~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Theif
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