The Attack of the 80 Foot Dream Job!

The Question: Keepapudaxta, what do you want to be when you grow up? or more importantly, what should I be when i grow up? i think i want to be a bum, but i want your opinion first... (Asked by Saylorellis)

Ok... lots of ground to cover here... Let's start with you... Before I begin though I think it needs to be said that we are both as grown up as we're gonna get unfortunately... Granted, we may not have reached our charted destinations yet, but suffice it to say you aren't getting any younger brotha... At this point its just a race against protein synthesis... Look forward to old balls and the ability to get away with causing a public scene under the camouflage of senility... So yeah, now that we got that out on the table... Let's address the question at hand...

So you are striving to be a bum huh? I think that's aiming a little low, but on the same note, success is only attainable after you completely stop listening to everyone else's opinions and critiques... I'll leave it to the college professors and military recruiters to convince you not to be a bum... In the last two sentences I have decided to support your occupational decision... If you really want to be a bum, I say you start as a rapper and work your way up... You will be homeless in no time... You would however have to be willing to live in a major city (or anywhere in south FL), but if there are no apprehensions with those locations than your set...

Since were on the subject and I have time to really sit and think on it, being a bum pan handler is very similar to being a server, only you don't have to bring the people you have no interest in talking to a damn thing and when your a bum the pay is a hell of a lot better (not to mention your extremely low overhead)... Server or bum, either way, an equal amount of lying is taking place in that conversation...I do hope however that you are not choosing this career out of laziness, because let me tell you... Server, bum, or any other activity that keeps you on your feet all damn day is fuckin exhausting...

Here is the irony in it all... if you take yourself out of the context of the way you are used to thinking and really qualify assets gained versus hours spent, I would be willing to hypothesize that pan handling is not only a lot more lucrative than a lot of people's day jobs, but also more labor intensive and exhausting... If anyone reading this disagrees, I must only ask "Have you ever watched Youtube.com while you were at work?" Exactly... So coming full circle I care to revise my original statement when I said that you were aiming low in your career path... You are just being a lot more hardcore about early retirement... Well played saylorellis... (BTW it's ok to use the word "bum" because it stands for "Beware Unpredictable Maniac" and safety comes first...)

As for what I wanna be down the road... hmmmmmm...... I would say anything from a lion tamer to a chariot salesman and everything in between... For now though I will stick with accounting... Numbers know what's up...

Anyways hope this helped,

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

The Laundry Thief

The Question: What's up with the laundry thievery? (meaning my signature)

Well, I just drunkenly typed this in an email a moment ago and figured that the time has come to reveal the story behind laundry thievery... I could touch this up and make it make sense when I sober up, but I think sometimes its better to play a concert live and imperfect rather than studio it up (I can't believe how gay Chris Cornell got), so I'm just gonna copy and paste the email... I will field questions later like always... I would also like to take this time to say that NO ONE should ever ever mess with a koala in the dark... ever

Hey Anonymous,

I just caught your inquiry about the "laundry thievery" title I seem to have bestowed upon myself lol... Its not any kinda weird, sick, or malicious title I assure you... Unfortunately the story itself can come off as rather ridiculous, but the truth must be presented in such ways from time to time... All in all it stems from a metaphorical comparison of archers and pikemen to social classes in our current paradigm... lol... The basis was that there r two kindsa people in this world... Archers and Pikemen... (well 4 but well get to that later)

A: Archers
~ Pretty little pampered ragamuffins standing "up above" looking "down below"... They have the nice hair and the nice clothes and expensive arrows and shit loads of time off... They very rarely have to address the issues at hand in a face to face manner... Needed as they are... There is no reverence in what they do...

B: Pikemen
~ These guys are the working man's hero... These guys get so far down below its just easier to stay there at all times... They get down into the nitty fuckin gritty... What do they own... nothing... Just a pike, and a metal bowl on their head and they're off into the front line... They don't even have hair...! But... do they complain...? No... In fact, most of them know they are not gonna make it home for their average boring supper of bread and water... Nor do they have time to dwell on the concept that the archers are drinking ale and eating meat... No time, and no patience... Time to grab the pike... and get to work...

So anyways, after all of that, where does the laundry thieving come into play? Well not only does the paradigm need sorts like the archers and the pikemen for synergy, an X factor is also needed... Everything in the universe has a tendency to go from the most ordered state to the most un-ordered or chaotic state...X factors can be thought of as any kinda chaotic component that interacts with an existing order... This can be as simple or as complex as you would allow your mind to ponder... To keep it as simple as possible, lets refer back to the archers and the pikemen for a moment and bring everything full circle... If a system works, IE shooting and piking, it will continue to function until chaos derails it... Neither chaos nor order run parallel with morality or immorality (IE both Robin Hood and Charles Manson can be considered chaotic people just like both Mother Theresa and Hitler can be viewed as ordered)... It is only order's tendency to be order, and chaos' tendency to disrupt that order, and in circles we will go for all eternity... (Again these are all just simple examples)

Things go on and on, and the people who do things on a daily basis have no idea why they do them or whether or not they even enjoy what they feel they are obligated to do... Complete prisoners of a perpetuating paradigm... Every empire falls, every system breaks down, and everything has no choice but roll with the punches and change with the X factors... So lets say that now is one of those often times when chaos is to clash with the ordered synergy of the archer and the pikeman... Whats an X Factor to do? It goes without saying that there is no derailing the pikemen... No matter what you do to them, they will just take the abuse and keep on piking... An archer however... that's a completely different story... Almost anything you do that does not placate the archers will more than likely discourage them... Because of cause and effect, everything consequence acts as a ripple, and thus the new stage is set...

Imagine if someone were to... say... steal an archer's clothes over night... Do you really think he would show up to the battle the next morning? What if all the archers got their clothes stolen? What if there were no archers at that battle...? Ripples upon ripples and so on and so forth... The other thing to consider is, what if someone legitimately just wanted to steal their clothes for any other random interest and had no intention of altering anything... Would not their clothes still be gone? Would there not still be ripples? Which poses the question, can a laundry thief be a laundry thief without he or she themselves knowing or considering they are laundry thieves because they are unaware of the events they have set in motion ... Damn Right!

The way I see it, no matter what paradigm you live, you are one of 4 people... Royalty, an archer, a pikeman, or... a laundry thief... So maybe I know what I'm doing or maybe I have no clue... but one thing is for sure... I ain't no fuckin archer...

So anyways, I am pretty hammered right now and am in no mood to proof read any of that nor debate whether or not its a good idea to send it to you in the first place...lol Its very hard to put this concept into an email since its so easy to digress, and it definitely portrays me as a crazy person, but hey, I just keep telling myself I am a sane laundry thief in a crazy world full of crazy archers...

Night Hotshot

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief