Irony wtf

The Question: Why is it called "irony" if it has nothing to do with an iron? or does it? ~Brian

Tha Answer:

Ok so let's see here... durt durt n durt... the term Irony originates from some made up Greek Sparticus resembling character that always tricked a dumber more arrogant Sparticus dude... The point of the comic was that a crafty, strategic, intelligent mind will always prevail... My hypothesis is that Warner Bros got their concept of the Coyote and Roadrunner skit from this classic comic... Same with Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer (not to be confused with Rush's Tom Sawyer who may or may not be the same Tom Sawyer) exc...Anyways the tricky character's name was Eiron which evolved into eironeia when undertones of the comic were used by Socrates and Aristotle... blah blah blah that's where the word Irony comes from...

After years and years of scouring the world conquering and raping cultures of their languages, cooking recipes, natural resources, art, women and anything else Western Europe (which wasn't Western Europe yet to my knowledge) felt like taking (not to put too fine a point on it) they ended up with some sort of chaotic cultural conglomerate of a language that was spiraling out of control... Unfortunately for them its not like they had computers and database technology so it must have been a nightmare to keep track of who stole what from who, or how to spell or pronounce certain things exc... blah blah blah... Anyways, the outcome of all this confusion and negligence is the English language... They backed themselves into sooooo many corners of inconsistency that at one point they just sorta said "Fuck it... make them just learn it like this... who cares if almost all of it makes no sense... we have weapons..." and so it came to pass...

Now... I don't think anyone on the planet ACTUALLY knows when the word "iron" was invented and if they say they did I think they would be lying... The gist of it is that Iron is one of the elements on the periodic table (FE (Don't even get me started)) and several tools were made of FE (among other things) and have been used to straighten clothing since before history was recorded or complex languages existed... We call an iron an iron because the guy who invented it probably had no personality... unfortunately for nerds way back when they didn't have internet porn and Mortal Kombat to make them as cutting edge as the nerds in today's world... I'm guessing they also lacked formal copyright law but it is possible they had their procedures... I just don't know if anyone had naming rights to FE and since no one had a good explanation of why we pronounced FE as "iron" yet it always seemed to come up it was best to just let it slide...

In a nutshell... don't try to understand the English language everrrrrrr... it is illogical and confusing because the inventors of it were illogical and confused... If you are not prepared to abandon your reason like our ancestors than maybe English just isn't for you....

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

A Breakup: Story 1

The Question: My girlfriend broke up with me for spending too much time with her! All I have been doing all day every day since is think about her! I can't live without her! What do I do? Please help! (Anonymous)

The Answer:


Get a job you Gawd damn hippie!

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

Ask More Questions Here

I drank a glass of water and I think I'm fucking melting... Ed has always been a brush, and Jerry is a can of nuts... Always check both pockets... I am pretty sure that vampires never existed how we know them today... Blaintology is not a real religion, although many have gone out of their way to call David Blain and tell him that he should start said religion... It's like we've forgot the damned Renaissance happened... Pity...

You may ask your new questions on this thread...

Duck Duck Goose

The Question: Are there any official rules for "Duck Duck Goose"?

I dunno how old kids get before the teachers take Duck Duck Goose off the menu... but it sucks that they do... I see Olympic potential written allll over it... I had a DDG conversation in 2004 with my roommates... We came to the conclusion that the only real official DDG rule should be that if someone has already picked the retarded kid in class to be the goose, you don't pick him again... Other than that, do whatever... We don't agree with the "limited amount of times around the circle" rule... Make the bastards chase you... This will get the kids exercising more and helps promote trash talking at an early age... Trash talking is a fundamental part of athletics, politics, climbing the corporate ladder, getting girls, and showing people whose boss... The only time I agree with the limit rule, (I can't stress this enough) is when you picked the retarded kid to be the goose... Just give him one time around the circle and let him tag you... Everyone will be better off... So yea, I think that about covers it... Hope this helped...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

Admiraverating...

The Question: What do you see when you wake up and look in the mirror? (Asked by Dirty Bird)

When I wake up and look in the mirror... I see one tough pill for this world to swallow...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

The Wizard of Oz is Gay

The Question: Do you like the Wizard of Oz? Why or why not?

There are many different levels of appreciation someone can have for a movie... Without getting into all that nonsense though... I can boldly say the title of this blog very accurately reflects my opinion of it... On the spectrum of movies I would say it falls somewhere in between Home Alone 3 and the porno version of Mr. Hollands Opus... "But why Pu Daxta!? I love that movie!!!" Are you a chick? Ok then... I mean I don't know why chicks like chick stuff... That's a blog for another time, and even I have my doubts about trying to tackle a subject that has made over 10 billion males throughout history all become impotent over night... Granted, that way beats the vasectomy home-kit option... But there are just some old ladies that simply aren't worth robbing... Alas I digress...


What is exactly wrong with the Wizard of OZ? Well for starters, I just might gently question the idioms of the characters involved... Like, did Dorothy REALLY have to look soooo puzzled in every scene of the movie even before she got to OZ? I have never seen anyone look so confused while doing nothing but riding a damn bike... Her damn dog acted better than she did... But ok, some main characters are allowed to be complete morons... whatever... I will lets that slide... So then I take a look at the other characters... Lets see what we have here: a Gay Scarecrow, a Gay Tin Man, a Gay Lion, a dog who is still stealing the stage, every midget that was alive and on the planet at the time, an old manipulative conman who was able to force an entire world of midgets to build an emerald empire with a road of gold bricks that go from his new empire to their midget town (Let's face it guys, this "wizard" has already bested and outdone all and every of the cruelest pharaohs and dictators on a MONUMENTAL level (pun intended)...) How many midgets do you think died building that city and road... All that shit is fucking heavy... How many were maimed or burned smelting the materials? How many Godless generations did it take for that city to be built? All so a conman can have the most bad ass hiding spot ever... I wonder what came first, Wizard of Oz or Scientology...


Anyways We have a wizard with no real power other than obvious philosophical opinions locked away in this city of idolatry, and either the good fairy was too retarded to see through his veneer, orrrrrrr they have been in league with each other the whole time. If she wasn't in on it, she would have never let all of those munchkins kill themselves to build the emerald city... Not to mention, for the amount of resources in the hands of those who seem to have considerably less power than the bad guys, how have they been able to hold on to everything... Hmmmm... maybe because, everyone knew to keep a glass water around? That's how to kill a witch who occupies half of the territories... THAT'S ALL YOU GOT!?... I mean, she must've been thirsty as fuck... And why the hell didn't they show a battle between the flying monkeys and the munchkins... I will tell you why... Because they wanted to spend 30 minutes focusing on a buncha gay retards falling asleep in a field... And quite frankly the concept of a purple horse confuses and infuriates me...


Oh yea and seriously, writers, was it really fucking necessary to make all of the good guys freakin midgets except for the fairy (Who I am arguing was the main villain)... Couldn't they have just been normal sized people for God sakes... I mean a midget or two never hurts anything, but cmon guys... Cut your fucking casting agent some slack... How do you even keep a straight face when asking a midget if he wants to play a lead midget role for this movie someone wrote while they were smoking crack... "Ok Rupert... you are 3'6" perfect... one more inch and you wouldn't have made the cut, now here, wear this santa elf costume, take this hilariously large lollipop and bob and weave back n forth a couple times singing about how this lollipop represents EVERYTHING that you are!" There is no fucking way I could ask someone to do that in one try without laughing in their face... You almost have to end the sentence with "Do it or I'll kill your whole fucking family" or something like that just so you go out on a serious note...


Ultimately I feel like the writers never tied the right things together... They had it in their laps... an elaborate plot to get a human to our land, find a considerable force, and destroy the only person in the territory who has a shot at overthrowing the wizard and the fairy... IMO all parties in charge are horrible people and all the protagonists are gay... I can't get into a movie that has such unappealing characters... Oh, also Dorothy's family was gay...
The End

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

The Attack of the 80 Foot Dream Job!

The Question: Keepapudaxta, what do you want to be when you grow up? or more importantly, what should I be when i grow up? i think i want to be a bum, but i want your opinion first... (Asked by Saylorellis)

Ok... lots of ground to cover here... Let's start with you... Before I begin though I think it needs to be said that we are both as grown up as we're gonna get unfortunately... Granted, we may not have reached our charted destinations yet, but suffice it to say you aren't getting any younger brotha... At this point its just a race against protein synthesis... Look forward to old balls and the ability to get away with causing a public scene under the camouflage of senility... So yeah, now that we got that out on the table... Let's address the question at hand...

So you are striving to be a bum huh? I think that's aiming a little low, but on the same note, success is only attainable after you completely stop listening to everyone else's opinions and critiques... I'll leave it to the college professors and military recruiters to convince you not to be a bum... In the last two sentences I have decided to support your occupational decision... If you really want to be a bum, I say you start as a rapper and work your way up... You will be homeless in no time... You would however have to be willing to live in a major city (or anywhere in south FL), but if there are no apprehensions with those locations than your set...

Since were on the subject and I have time to really sit and think on it, being a bum pan handler is very similar to being a server, only you don't have to bring the people you have no interest in talking to a damn thing and when your a bum the pay is a hell of a lot better (not to mention your extremely low overhead)... Server or bum, either way, an equal amount of lying is taking place in that conversation...I do hope however that you are not choosing this career out of laziness, because let me tell you... Server, bum, or any other activity that keeps you on your feet all damn day is fuckin exhausting...

Here is the irony in it all... if you take yourself out of the context of the way you are used to thinking and really qualify assets gained versus hours spent, I would be willing to hypothesize that pan handling is not only a lot more lucrative than a lot of people's day jobs, but also more labor intensive and exhausting... If anyone reading this disagrees, I must only ask "Have you ever watched Youtube.com while you were at work?" Exactly... So coming full circle I care to revise my original statement when I said that you were aiming low in your career path... You are just being a lot more hardcore about early retirement... Well played saylorellis... (BTW it's ok to use the word "bum" because it stands for "Beware Unpredictable Maniac" and safety comes first...)

As for what I wanna be down the road... hmmmmmm...... I would say anything from a lion tamer to a chariot salesman and everything in between... For now though I will stick with accounting... Numbers know what's up...

Anyways hope this helped,

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief