Is Edward Scissor Hands a Man or a Robot?

The Question: Is Edward Scissor Hands a man or a robot?

Edward Scissorhands was a man who was never born, but rather created by a mad scientist (much like Frankenstein)... I would classify him as a cyborg...I never gave the topic much thought before this post... however now that I think about it... I do wonder how his brain controls the scissors like fingers... NONE OF THIS IS ADDING UP AT ALL... There was more going on with Edward than the movie led us to believe... I think the most probable answer is that the mad scientist was a grave robber... He snuck into a cemetary, stole Johnny Depp's corpse, sodomized it over and over, watched Star Wars, did the whole "Here Skywalker... have a robot hand" thing so the Depp could do his yardwork, brought him to life, told him he's the reason his mother left (when he found out he got this look on his face that just stuck), and then died before he could complete landscaping zoo (so close, one more penguin bush and they were home free)... So ya... Edward Scissorhands is a cyborg...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

Why did Scooby Doo go off the air?

The Question: Why did Scooby Doo go off the air?

I've been telling this story for many years now... Every time I tell it... I dunno... It just feels like I've been there... (been where?) So let's break this thing down... We must ask ourselves..."What generally happened in an episode of Scooby Doo?"
You had 4 kids (who should have been in school) driving across the country doing drugs and meddling in people's affairs... Typically these kids would "solve a mystery" exposing some member of the community trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the entire town with an attempt to better their own financial situation... I'm no expert on "life on the streets"(Like so many of you 16 year old private school students out there) but what I do know is if you are gonna rat someone out, they better not find out it was you... These kids however chose to show blatant disregard for the rules of common sense... They made sure every criminal knew that the reason the (often expensive) hoax was foiled was because "The Mystery Machine" was on the case... Anyway the criminal would get carted away hysterically raving "I woulda gotten away with it too... if it wasn't for you Gawd Damn kids!" (That's foreshadowing my friends...)
These kids also made sure to hit a wide variety of places and expose a highly eclectic bunch of bad guys... They had everything from rich bankers and politicians to poor 7 foot farmers and dock workers... They even managed to rat on scientists and witches... Every one of them thirsting for revenge...
There were two different levels of schemes they would foil... Petty fraud (dressing up like a monster because you wanted people to stay off your land) and monumental fraud (dressing up like a monster to get a town full of people to sell their homes for cheap). Typically the petty fraud was committed by the dumb brute force types of criminals, and the monumental fraud is usually a banker or lawyer's handiwork...
BTW how long was that show on??? These kids were ratting people out for YEARS AND YEARS... locking people up by the truckloads... OWNED... And just because a banker is locked away doesn't mean he doesn't have people on the outside...
So why was the show canceled? These kids were hunted day and night by mercenaries, criminals getting out on bail, evil spirits (you should never piss off witches bro), evil robots (you should never piss off scientists either), and durt durt n durt... The point is... when they all finally caught up with those kids... it was a scene of ghoulish slaughter... and the moral of the story is... Don't snitch or you get canceled...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

How do Germans pronounce "waffle?"

The Question: How do Germans pronounce "waffle?" and how many times would you ask a German to say "waffle?"

Germans... I love listening to them say things... They spit hot fire...I don't care if they are speaking in English or German or anything else... They know how to get their point across... If a German were to say "Would you like a waffle?" it would sound something like "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" and I don't care who you are... if you say that out loud right now you will crack a smile... I crack up every time... "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" I can't even type it without laughing... Germans are the stout ale of the beer world... Although I don't know what to call them in the porn world =/
So to answer the second part of your question... I suppose if I saw that same German all the time and I could depend on them being at a certain place at a certain time, I would ask that person to say it at least daily... Just for that little pick me up... If it was a German happen stance and I would probably never see them again, I would probably insist that they continued to repeat "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" until they just get to the point where they've had enough and walk off... I'd let them leave to... because like... I'm not THAT crazy... I mean sure I would ask someone to say "Voo-id yew liek ah vaffle?" a buncha times but I wouldn't chase them down the street to get it out of them... Besides one time is really enough... the rest of the times its just bonus joy...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

Tucked In Shirts Are Awful

Topic: I find that I hate tucking in my shirt but I do like putting my hands down my pants... Please discuss your opinion on this...

Often in life, the most obvious answers are the correct ones... In this case, I would like to just quickly say that shit loads of people who like playing with themselves hate tucking their shirts in... Typically when you tuck your shirt in, its because you have to (Much unlike the ladder). I say "typically" because in this day and age you have all kinds of snappy dressers and professionals who like to see themselves lookin good. Some dudes take 45 minutes to get all dolled up just to roll down to the grocery store... To a lot of people, looking good is much more important to being comfortable (and being yourself)... You are obviously not that type... Personally, I think snappy dressers and professionals are kinda gay...
It pisses me off even more knowing what a web of lies the professional world really is... You take off the formal wear and what do you have...? Well it could be a lot of things, but it's most likely a son of a bitch or a smelly skunk of a woman... Everyone knows that most hookers get killed by people in business attire... Don't think it's the crack heads killing all those whores ladies and gentlemen, its not... Prostitutes know crack heads are broke and never have the money up front... Now businessmen, thats a different story... Prostitutes of the future will have surgeries to insert a credit card swiper between their boobs or ass cheeks just because the volume of their business comes from guys in suits who are in town on a business trip and don't feel like watching Skinamax alone... I mean everyone's heard the joke about the politician that killed a stripper with a chair and then asked her "Hey...why the long face...?" I mean nuns tell that joke as they giggle to each other on their way to the soda machine...
To the point at hand... the funny thing about you people acting professional is that you're "acting" professional... We're all a buncha fuckers... Some of us just have better jobs than others... What's great though is that for the most part, I am not sure if anyone likes wearing formal wear, but since it is a paradigm we have no choice... Do we know why we no choice? No, no we don't... I know all of my bosses would much rather be comfortable in a T shirt and shorts... In fact, I think a lot of us would work much more efficiently in clothes we could breath in... Not to mention those employees that are just total all-stars who go way above and beyond and then are sat down to discuss their appearance... "I do everything around here and you want me to tuck my shirt in??? 40 pieces of flair!?!?!?!? Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam... sometimes I could kick this piece of shit out the window...!!" See what happens... Anyways...
How does this happen? How do we all fall into this web of complete illusion? A common example of how to form a paradigm is as follows...
A research team took 4 monkeys and put them in a room with a ladder and banana's at the top of the ladder... Every time a monkey went for the bananas, the other 3 monkeys were sprayed with a hose... After a short while, no monkey would climb the ladder to get the bananas because the other 3 would beat him up for getting them sprayed... They then took one of the monkeys out of the cage and replaced it with a fresh monkey... That monkey climbed the ladder to get the seemingly pleasant bananas and unexpectedly got the shit kicked out of him... He didn't try again... They then replaced a second monkey who also tried to go for the bananas... low and behold he got owned and didn't know why... The third monkey was replaced, same scenario... and then the fourth... same scenario... None of the four monkeys ever went for the banana's again... The beautiful thing is... Because neither of the 4 monkeys were the original 4 monkeys, not one of them ever got sprayed with a fire hose, yet regardless, those bananas were still off limits... If you asked the monkeys why they were not allowed to get those bananas, they would respond "We're not really sure... its just the way its always been..."
So yes, I am comparing the unknown reasons for why everyone is forced to dress professionally to a buncha monkeys who have no idea why they aren't allowed to eat bananas... Oh, and as for your confusion of liking to put your hand down your pants... You're American dude... its practically all we are good at... So no worries... you aren't alone out there... In fact I'll bet you're in good company...

~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief

Who is cooler, Han Solo or Indiana Jones?

The Question: Who is cooler, Han Solo or Indiana Jones?

Trying to trick me yet again are we? You would like me to choose one character over the other wouldn't you...? When in reality.... They are the SAME EXACT CHARACTER!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!

Let's however say that we were to make a decision based off of the ONLY possible distinctions...

A. Different Clothing (Indiana Wins)
B. Choice of Company ( Solo had a wookie... Indiana had a young asian...male) (Solo Wins)
C. Linguistics (Solo can speak at least 3 alien languages (Wookie, The green bounty hunter he shot in part 4 (Gawd don't get me started why the started with the 4th one!), and whatever Jabba speaks)... Indiana can count to 15 in Greek(and no matter where his adventures take him, he knows the language and customs)(I think its also fair to assume if Indiana went to space he would know all of the alien languages already too)) (Indiana wins... Clairvoyant Victory!)

So who is cooler, a ruggedly dressed possible child molesting (just because he knows its wrong... or maybe they were just friends) renagade clairvoyant archeologist...? OR Han Solo (He hugs wookies) ??? You know... it is for this very reason that it is impossible to try and decide who to vote for in any US election... sigh... I guess Indiana is cooler...

~Child molesting is wrong... but not as wrong as hugging wookies...

~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief

Who Killed JFK?

The Question: Who Killed JFK?

The best answer to that question is another question...

Who had the most to lose?

An answer would be... I think... its more complex than that... See to understand JFKiller's killer, you have to understand who JFKiller was... See JFKiller was born to a 3-legged bitch of a mother... so he was ashamed... And then he was sold to this man... Tido Lebowitz... Lebowitz was a junk yard owner, and dog fighting trainer... and he put JFKiller to training... and he was good! he was DAMN good!!! But then he got put in for the fight of his life... He had to go up against his brother... nibbles... and JFKiller was like NO THAT'S MY BROTHER MAN I CAN'T FIGHT NIBBLES... but he fought him anyway... and JFKiller... killed Nibbles... and then he got all depressed and started doing like...

Skipping ahead we can conclude only one possible suspect for the murder of JFK... Sampson

Hydromagnetic Magnetoidal Dimensions

The Question: When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hypersleep, which vector of the Romulan nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening? And for extra points, how many wraths till the nearest molton? Be specific, this is a real question.

Anyone who doesn't instantly know that the answer is "The Backstreet Boys" is either a fool, or a gypsy... No further explanation is needed...

Is Alice in Chains the Best Band Ever?

The Question: "Is Alice in Chains really the best band ever in the history of the universe?"

What a good looking question... The answer is yes. They are in fact the best band ever in the history of the universe... Unfortunately, some people are so ridiculously clueless that they have no idea how epic they are... Lucky for us those people don't count... They are like pieces of grass meant to be trampled over by other people with places to be...

So anyways yes... Alice in Chains is by far the best band ever in the history of the universe...

~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief

Why didn't evolution make a wheeled creature?

The Question was: Why didn't evolution ever make a creature that has wheels? There's legs, there's wings...no wheels. You'd think nature would have figured that out.

Well, its good by first stating that mother nature is much like a nun... At any moment she could go crazy bitch... So let's see, what are some possible reasons for creatures to be denied wheels... (Assuming there isn't one out there we don't know about) (Pictures of animals with wheels are welcome).

I would like to think the appendages that creatures have now are already superior to wheels. What can a wheel do that a leg or arm or fin can't? Wheels might let a creature roll down a hill faster, but considering how hard it would be to get back up, they would probably collect
at the base and be a buffet for a bigger animal that knows it pays off to wait at the bottom of a hill when you're hungry... So maybe thats what happened to all of them... (Besides, it is probably hard to procreate if you are on wheels all the time...)

Where did the modern southern accents come from?

The question was "Since Americans came from Britain how did we get the "hick" accent. How did people start talking like they do in Texas or Tennessee? It's not like we learned it from the Indians."

That's a good question... Language has never been static... It changes all the time based around the needs of the society... Up in the north with their foofy accents and tootling tea parties, them boyz in tha south were getting their hands dirty (by...telling...black people... to get their hands dirty... in a rather insisting way...(unless you were a trapper)) I mean, seriously though... back then, what was in the south... big plantations... and random houses out in the middle of nowhere with a shit load of land and a scruffy trapper living in it.
Rufus and I like to coin the term "Pikemen" to illustrate the sort... Pikemen are otherwise known as the workin man's hero... Archers are like, up above... lookin down below... And they think they are all bad ass... they got the nice fuckin hair, and clean clothes, and they are all clean shavin and durt durt n durt... And what do they do... sit back and shoot dogs... they arn't even people...! Well if you take the archers out of the equation what have you got? YOU'VE GOT THE PIKEMEN!!! As I said before.. the pikemen are the workin man's heroes.... they get down into the nitty fuckin gritty... What do they have... they just have a pike (Ya just one, they lose that they have to take someone else's) and thats it dude... They don't even have hair...! Why the fuck would they need nice clothes or nice things if all they have going on that day is piking? So ya needless to say.. they get down below... So NOW I ask ya... Do the pikemen need to spend any energy learning grammar? No! Could they and did some, yes and probably, but not enough to influence or alter the order of things... Anyways, same rules apply to the southern territories...
The pronunciation and grammar upheld in the northern cities wasn't as much of a necessity for a good majority of the southern trappers and laborers... (Of course you have your exceptions with the super rich plantation owner hence the southern eloquent drop your handkerchief accent which is a different topic all together...) Much of the south had no respect for northerners anyway, so who cares if they started speaking differently... nannies...
So ya... Years go by, time passes, people migrate, societies change, territories become more territorial, native tomahawk wielding beasts are slaughtered by the masses so we can have all their cool stuff, and dialects are different all over the place(especially in Brooklyn and Jersey... it takes a lottttt of years of the whole town being assholes 24/7 to make an accent that sounds like that...)
Speaking of us taking the Native American's stuff... have it, we do... I love the stuff that they once had soooo much... Every time before I go to sleep I stop and I think... "Wow, a Native American probably slept right here in this very spot..." Does anyone else ever bother to thank their ancestors for the rad hook up? (Sarcasm... I learned it from Raphael the Ninja Turtle)

~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief

Ask Questions Here

Please ask any and all questions here so that I can answer them in a disorderly fashion... May the best question win...


~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Thief

Intro?

Hello everyone and welcome to the wonderful world of unnecessary opinion... This world is full of both pertinent and useless information and I'm sure some of us feel like we have a pretty good handle on at least a portion of it (God I hate so many of you)... We live in a world of computers, Wikipedia, proper grammar, castle penguins, little mushrooms, fobabs and doodads... The purpose of this Blog is not to inform you of things that you can look up on any of the thousands of places the internet provides... Instead, I am going to seemingly answer your question while attempting to slander you or the topic at hand (or do something equally entertaining)... Who would subject themselves to this? (You would think no one but look how well MTV has done). I encourage all of you to take your proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, know-it-all attitude, and spiffy dressing (for you slow rollin swaggerin types) and put all of those things in a box... then take that box and throw it in the fuckin ocean... Let Joc Cousteau find it along with those cool sea horses that look like plants but no dude, they are sea horses (I swear)... GaWd DaMn French explorers... I'll get back to that in a second... Anyways... Feel free to post any questions you may or may not already know, and I will give you "My Answer" (I can't stress that part enough) or synopsis of the issue at hand...Let's kick this thing straight in the nuts...

Regards,

~Keepa Pu Daxta de Tut en Comun
Laundry Theif