Jesus wasn't the son of god... he was just a really crafty bartender. We should throw a shindig and hire him. Wait he probably works probono or at least just for the tips. Do you have Jesus's cell phone number or do I have to hit him up on facebook? Hes on facebook right? Or myspace? Whats his email? Maybe he blogs about how much he hates his father and his skank ass hoes... you know Mary Magdalen. god i heard she could suck a d. Like really suck a d. like Oh my god what the fuck, suck a d and work the shaft like a champ. Man what i would give to throw sliced deli meats at her ass. I don't think Jesus would care i mean he'd be to busy making me some fine adult beverages, and i think hes probably one of those share the wealth kinda guys. you know like bikers. If i tune up his bike he'd tell her to fuck me in his van. That's just how cool of a guy Jesus is. I bet he has a cool van too. Like one of those 1970s shag vans. not the pedophile ones that hang out in front of chucky cheeses or the ones that have all those Ice cream stickers on the side and when you stop traffic to flag him down he gets all uppitty and wont sell you any. Yeah sure buddy you just ran out...I'm sure. Thats why there's no PA on your van and your pants are around your ankles. But im sure JC's van is nothing like that... well maybe its still pants optional but hey I bet that's just how he rolls. I'd like to imagine Jesus's van all decked out. A water bed that never leaks, floor to ceiling shag carpet thats so think it feels like your rubbing your face on God's pubic hair. Carpet so well made that no matter what is spilled on it no new stains can be created... just the old ones that were there when Jesus first bought it in 1973. Top of the line speakers, reel to reel, 8 track, am and fm stereo. A sound system so crazy good your head explodes after listing to in-a-goda-da-vida for 6 strait hours, but its OK cause there won't be a mess... you know cause of the crazy pubic hair carpet. That shits great I'm gonna line my kids crib with it. I bet hes got one of those crazy Mexican murals on the side of it too. Maybe his cousin, you know Juan Christ, and his friends painted it on his birthday as a gift, I mean I know how hard it is to drag a bunch of Mexican's away from free taco's and pinata smashing on Christmas day, but hey... that's just how cool Jesus is. Wait that is what Mexican's do on Christmas day right? I didn't leave anything out did I? Anyway I like to think the mural is a giant blond hair blue eyed big titted amazon women waring golden armor encrusted in fine gems shooting a flaming bow and arrow through the heart of a leaping tiger just as this huge dragon swoops down and takes a shit all over them. An image so cool so real that your eyes instantly bleed when you see it and for the rest of your life that song Heart of the Dragon, you know by Dragonforce, is permanently burnt into your psyche. Man is that a cool van.
I think your dates are a little off because Jesus sold that van to the kids from Scooby Doo in 1969... But ya, I would love to get down in a van like that as long as I had some way of tossin the dragon force and rockin some Wayne Newton... That nigga be rockin the crazy silly gumby gold...
Jesus wasn't the son of god... he was just a really crafty bartender. We should throw a shindig and hire him. Wait he probably works probono or at least just for the tips. Do you have Jesus's cell phone number or do I have to hit him up on facebook? Hes on facebook right? Or myspace? Whats his email? Maybe he blogs about how much he hates his father and his skank ass hoes... you know Mary Magdalen. god i heard she could suck a d. Like really suck a d. like Oh my god what the fuck, suck a d and work the shaft like a champ. Man what i would give to throw sliced deli meats at her ass. I don't think Jesus would care i mean he'd be to busy making me some fine adult beverages, and i think hes probably one of those share the wealth kinda guys. you know like bikers. If i tune up his bike he'd tell her to fuck me in his van. That's just how cool of a guy Jesus is. I bet he has a cool van too. Like one of those 1970s shag vans. not the pedophile ones that hang out in front of chucky cheeses or the ones that have all those Ice cream stickers on the side and when you stop traffic to flag him down he gets all uppitty and wont sell you any. Yeah sure buddy you just ran out...I'm sure. Thats why there's no PA on your van and your pants are around your ankles. But im sure JC's van is nothing like that... well maybe its still pants optional but hey I bet that's just how he rolls. I'd like to imagine Jesus's van all decked out. A water bed that never leaks, floor to ceiling shag carpet thats so think it feels like your rubbing your face on God's pubic hair. Carpet so well made that no matter what is spilled on it no new stains can be created... just the old ones that were there when Jesus first bought it in 1973. Top of the line speakers, reel to reel, 8 track, am and fm stereo. A sound system so crazy good your head explodes after listing to in-a-goda-da-vida for 6 strait hours, but its OK cause there won't be a mess... you know cause of the crazy pubic hair carpet. That shits great I'm gonna line my kids crib with it. I bet hes got one of those crazy Mexican murals on the side of it too. Maybe his cousin, you know Juan Christ, and his friends painted it on his birthday as a gift, I mean I know how hard it is to drag a bunch of Mexican's away from free taco's and pinata smashing on Christmas day, but hey... that's just how cool Jesus is. Wait that is what Mexican's do on Christmas day right? I didn't leave anything out did I? Anyway I like to think the mural is a giant blond hair blue eyed big titted amazon women waring golden armor encrusted in fine gems shooting a flaming bow and arrow through the heart of a leaping tiger just as this huge dragon swoops down and takes a shit all over them. An image so cool so real that your eyes instantly bleed when you see it and for the rest of your life that song Heart of the Dragon, you know by Dragonforce, is permanently burnt into your psyche. Man is that a cool van.
ReplyDeleteI think your dates are a little off because Jesus sold that van to the kids from Scooby Doo in 1969... But ya, I would love to get down in a van like that as long as I had some way of tossin the dragon force and rockin some Wayne Newton... That nigga be rockin the crazy silly gumby gold...
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