Should I Want to Fight Princess Zelda?

The Question: Why don't you want to fight Zelda? Shes a bitch...

Well, just because there are a wide variety of people I would love to scrap with doesn't mean I want to scrap with everyone... I have good reasons for each person I added to my Thunder Dome list... Reasons could include a lack of respect, a sense of disgust, good sport, or an honorable death... For none of these reasons however, would I add Princess Zelda to my chopping block... She never really rubbed me the wrong way...

Was she a bitch... ? Yes... but dude, most royalty are difficult to deal with when you are hoi polloi... I'm sure her nose was stuck in the air higher than a Frenchman in a room full of offensive odors... It is par for the course... You can't hold that against her... For a lady of her status she actually seemed quite pleasant... ANDDDD she MUST have been rewarding... Link wouldn't have went soooooo far out of the way for her all the time if she wasn't hookin his ass up big time... Maybe he would save her once, but definitely not over the course of six gaming platforms and a cartoon series... If there was nothing in it for him he woulda been smoking under the bridge with the guy that gives you the bottle...Maybe she really loved Link, or maybe he was a convenience that she was taking for a ride... Either way, she paid what she owed... Hate the system, or better yet, hate the King... but don't hate Zelda... Actually I wasn't going to address this issue but you forced me to... What the FUCK is wrong with her father!!!

The King, all high and mighty, is lazy worthless piece of shit... I came to my senses and added him to my Thunder Dome list right away...His daughter got kidnapped how many times, and he NEVER did a Gawd Damn thing... And don't give me that "but what about all that shit you just said about royalty and durt durt durt n durt...?" This is different... Sean Connery has been king more times than I can count, and he ALWAYS goes after missing persons... Try and stop him... he is a machine... What did Zelda's father do... Let ONE DUDE explore the WHOLE world for her while he keeps all his guards barricaded within his keep so he knows he himself will be safe... Not to mention he never seems to remember Link by the next time she gets kidnapped... Talk about a father that doesn't give a shit about his kid... I'm not surprised Zelda gives it up at 13 years old...

Neglectful apathetic fathers like that drive their daughters who become starving for attention at an early age to be prostitutes and porn stars (not strippers though... that's a completely different story)... If it wasn't for a nation of bad fathers, our porno industry would be quite stunted... You have all these dickheads who are just too concerned with their own ass-backwards life to stop and teach their kids anything... They don't know what their kids are doing and they don't give a shit... Hey, let's just let MTV raise them... Zelda is putting out at 13, getting kidnapped left and right because she was never taught to look both ways, and all the damn King is doing is examining his tax roll... That guy needs a good ass kicking...Zelda is just lucky shes rich and found a good guy or else you might be seeing her in your next edition of "Feeding Frenzy." You can't blame her though... She is a product of her environment... If you want me to fight someone... have me fight the guy responsible...