The Question: Who would you fight in the post nuke arena of Thunder- Dome?
Right now half of my buddies are reading the title of this Blog and just thinking to themselves..."Oh no..." A question like that can prompt a Blog of record breaking page length proportions... I mean off the top of my head I would want to fight:
Rossie O'donnell, Bernie Kerik, Bernie Madoff, Bernie Lomax, Spike Lee, Sir Edward Appleton, Napoleon Bonaparte, Robert P. Marble, any of the Hanson brothers, any of the Lawrence brothers, Courtny Love, President Pierce, Tom Brady, Carlos Mencia, Billy Corgan, Prince Albert, the casting directors of the marvel movies (Nobody with a soul would have casted Ben Affleck as Daredevil), Glen Close, Kemal Ataturk, Kristy Alley, Fred Savage, Condoleezza Rice, Harold Macmillan, Parris Hilton, Parris Hilton's parents, the guy who invented American Idol, Bad Boy John Mcenroe (It's awesome when he flies off the handle), and Judge Ito...
And...
Usher, Pope Benedict, Kevin Federline, Annie Besant, Elron Hubbard, L.F, I.F, M.F, the guy who took Threes Company off the air, Tipper Gore, the guy who invented ring tones, the French, Bill O'riley, Steven Tyler, Cleopatra, Freud, Adolf Hitler, Adam Sandler, John Edwards, Mathew Broderick, Gary Coleman, Ralph Machio, Dave Justice, Zach Morris, the guy that took the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles off the air, Michael Jackson (just to see him shatter into 100 plastic pieces), Tom Cruise, Phil Collins, Tiger Woods (All that skill and he's too cool to sign autographs... Suck my balls), Robert Paulson, Charlemagne, Inspector Gadget, anyone who has modeled for Abercrombie, any crooked cop, Woopie Goldberg, Marco Polo, and Abigail Adams...
And...
OJ Simpson, Dennis Rodman, Ben Affleck (for auditioning to be Daredevil), the chick who had 8 babies, James Carville, Dirty Bird, Joseph Smith, Edmund Burke, Chris Tucker, Rick Astley, Madonna, Gavin Rossdale, an Emo kid, Captain Planet, Corey Feldman, Henry Rollins (That's as stylish as suicide gets), Molly Ringwald, any of the Great Pharaohs, Nostradamus, Josephene Butler, Caligula, Benjamin Disraeli, FDR, that guy that called me a fizzle and ran, John Stamos, Lady Godiva, Arthur Harris, John Steinbeck, Donald Rumsfeld, Nero, and Christopher Columbus...
And
George W. Bush, Alfonso Ribeiro, anyone who is standing 15 yards away from me pretending to cough because I have a cigarette in my hand, Sir Robert Peel, the character Mr. Orange from Resivoir Dogs, President Carter, Axel Rose, Sam Walton, Siegfried, Roy, John Smith, Tiberius, François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire), Don King, Mario from Super Mario Brothers, F. Scott Fitzgerald, M. Night Shyamalan, the King from the Zelda Universe, and Falson...
I can go on and on but I'm going to stop before I get warmed up... If you need me to elaborate on any of the mentioned parties I would be happy to...
~Keepa Pu Daxta
Laundry Thief
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Glen Close? really... and you actually have to ask about the whole grandpa/virgin mary speed bag combo? AKA GP/VM SB comb.
ReplyDeletePS. F. Scott Fitzgerald would fuck you up bitch.
pps. Mario bros? why not Zelda? Shes a bitch. I understand not wanting to fight Link though cause hes a stand up G.
Now my second choice in the thunder-dome would be the writer or writers of the last 3 seasons of Gilligan's island. Harlem Globe Trotters? WTF?
Question the Second.
I assume you've heard of the game Kiss Kill Fuck?
Well here we go. Kiss,Kill,Fuck: Gilligan, The Skipper, and Thurston Howell, III
Out of all the people I listed there... you think F. Scott is the one who would take me down? Why...? Because he is Irish? Just because an Irishman WILL fight anybody doesn't mean they will win the fight (although God bless them for trying)... He doesn't have much of a fighting background to my knowledge... He got slapped around a bit by his mother, but I think that's the extent of it... If I were to get beaten by any of the following though, I guess I would prefer it to be Rollins, him or Steinbeck...
ReplyDeleteHenry Rollins could take everyone I just listed at the same time + Chuck Norris and then drink a nice cold glass of nails...
Why do I have to do a kiss, kill, fuck with 3 dudes... That ain't right... I have a new game...
ReplyDeleteI would want to kill Gilligan because he's a bumbling idiot...
I would kill the Skipper so I could be the new Skipper... Even though that ship will never sail again... I could stand on top of it next to the beach and not let anyone else near it...
And I would kill Thurston Howell the III and re-marry his wife... Kill her... and then make all their servants Thunder Dome it up...
Why do I always have to choose killing when fucking or kissing isn't an option?
Voltaire? Really? What the hell did he do to you?
ReplyDeleteblah blah blah. here ill go. I'd fuck the Skipper so I can make a bumper sticker for my jeep saying "My SS Minnow sank balls deep in The Skippers ass"... (yes your god damn right I'd make a bumper sticker stating this) I'd kiss Thurston Howell cause I think if I did I could some how parley that into a Threato with Ginger and Marianne. And not one of those showtime, skinimax threesomes either. I'm talking like European porno threesome. The kind with no plot, no sound crew just a camera and a huge uncircumcised dick. Yeah... that's what I'm talking about. I'd fucking kill Gilligan well just cause... he's Gilligan. I think I'd bludgeon him to death with a coconut to be honest. I know in his dieing moments he'd gain some sort of poetic solace in the irony of his death. You know me there f'ing the skipper in the A, while hitting him in the head repeatedly with a coconut. Yes these things are happening at the same time (I would make the bumper sticker later... perhaps when i got of the island). Then I'd devise some sort of elaborate religious ceremony around the warship of his dead body. Probably based on the whimsical stories of one L Ron Hubbard. You know space ships, and inner... I don't know what they believe in. Its some kind of like juice or metaclorian or something right? I don't know I sometimes get Scientology and Star Wars confused. But I digress. Anyway I'd make up this huge story and basically brain wash the rest of the island into doing my bidding. All of this because I have decreed that I'm the voice of Gilligans dead rotting body on this earth (you know the freak-in popa). I'd have both Ginger and Marianne service me regularly while the rest of the passengers and crew toiled endlessly for hours in the hot jungle sun fixing a 2x2 foot hole in the boat. All the while riding some fucking hover car that the professor made me out of coconuts and beach shells while simultaneously watching porno streaming at 5 gigs a second via WiFi connected to a fiber optic line the professor has set up using a rock, a broken bottle, one of Gingers thongs, and Gilligan's balls...Oh yea even though its a hover car and it has no wheels "they still be spinnin Nigga".
ReplyDeleteWait what was the question again?
I'm not sure, but I think you made my blush...
ReplyDeleteQuick question... how would kissing Thurston Howell get you a three banger with the girls on the island? It didn't work for Mrs. Howell... Unless I missed that episode...
Oh, and I think the people who are on the island are already set in their ways... I don't think they would buy into a Star Wars/Scientology cover up... I think brute force would work just fine... Just don't fall asleep... Ever... Everyone on the island is a schemer...
ReplyDelete